Can you go home again?? - RV-Dreams Community Forum

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

Can you go home again??

Jim01 · RV-Dreams Family Member

When we sold everything and started full-timing, we had no plans to ever return to live there again. We've been back for visits frequently, and the only thing that has made our experience different from yours is that one of our best friends are RVers and we have quite a bit to talk about.

Possibly, if you weren't full-timing any longer and bought a house in your old area, you could work your way back into the "circle". It may be quite a challenge though, most of those people have moved on to different things and friends than they had when you lived there before.

Just my opinion.

Jim

NWescapee · RV-Dreams Family Member

We have no plans to ever live in Western WA again but went back last summer for 2 months and will be headed there next weekend for 6 weeks. My Dad and his family were interested in hearing, but my Dad had been a FT RV'er for a while in his life when he took a break from work, so he's got a different perspective than many of our other friends and family members.

The friends / neighbors we saw last year were all part of our original process when we decided to go FT and were supportive and curious, but most of them agreed it wasn't a lifestyle they would want, but were happy for us.

We had a totally different reaction when we were in Texas during our first year on the road, we were in the area for about 6 weeks and other than Dale's Dad and my sister and her kids, we had no visitors to the rig, no one who really expressed an interest in seeing it. I will say that visit was during Dale's mom's last week on earth and then we had the funeral, etc. to get through. The one thing that really left an impression with some of the family members is how quickly we could change plans to be where we needed to be, and then extended our stay way beyond what we had originally planned. That lead to some interesting conversations about how flexible our lives are and how FT RV'ing makes it easier to be flexible.

During the TX visit we actually had family who was passing right by our campground (2 miles off the Interstate) and they couldn't be bothered to stop, even though they were invited. Now, I have to admit that hurt my feelings a bit, but I got over it quickly knowing that it just isn't the lifestyle for everyone, much of the family in TX is like Cori described, they are going to live and die in one area.

The family that was most enthralled with our RV were our grandkids who we spent a week with in OK, they LOVED it!! Of course the fact that we were staying in a state park and brought their bikes, scooters, etc. out to the campground and spoiled them rotten probably had something to do with their admiration of our home.

BiggarView · RV-Dreams Family Member

The first question to clear up would be where home was. I've beeen pretty independent since I left the family "home" back in Canada at 18. Moved around a bit and finally to the USA in '88. Cindi's family is scattered all over the USA. I can hang my hat anywhere and be happy so it will probably be a place more of her comfort zone than mine. I have no interest in returning to Canada to live permanently, save possibly SW British Columbia, a bit wet but mild winters. But then there are so many places in the lower 48 that suit my tastes that even Beautiful BC can't pull me back there permanently. Cindi's family has adopted me as their own, so at some point down the road, "home" will probably be near one of them.

I wouldn't worry too much about lack of interest in your new chosen lifestyle. You wanting to share your dream details is fine, but they may just not care enough for their own interest and if they wanted to do it themselves.... If what you are doing is successful for you and it shows to others, it will register with them and if their own travails start to get the better of them, they will remember it in a cathartic moment.... and start wondering if what you have done is right for them too. There is nothing more to it than that. If they want it, they will come around. If not, meh.... It's their life, not yours. I've gotten some nervous looks from family when we revealed our plans to FT, and happily answered questions as I would do if anybody wanted to know more about it, naturally I'm no "expert" in FTing...yet... it's up to them to decide if it's the life for them or not, and if they want to be curious about it or not. All part of the tapestry of life. confuse smile

-- Edited by biggaRView on Monday 8th of June 2015 09:08:49 AM

Barbaraok · RV-Dreams Family Member

Things change and while people may like to see you, you do become an outsider. We've found that they really can't get their head around our lifestyle and that's ok. We moved a lot over our working years, so there never was a place where we had 'deep roots'. We have gone back to Michigan, where we lived the longest, to visit friends and find that we get bored with them in about 5 days - - they are still talking about the same things they were talking about 20 years ago. So we catch up with news about kids/grandkids, do a couple of dinners at various places, and then we are off. We do have one couple that will travel each winter and sometimes we will be in the same area as they are, and that is fun to meet up and visit for a day or two, but really most people are locked into their daily lives and can't fathom going to see what is around the next bend.

Barb

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

We have learned that most of our old friends and family are not that interested in our lifestyle. That is the way it is. But we get surprises. A good friend just took an extended rental RV trip and loved it. A couple we know, who we thought were going to die in their house, moved for a job in Taiwan and are loving it. Their travel stories are now more interesting than ours.
But, RV friends are the best. In our one week stop here in Richland, WA, we have met up with two other sets of friends, one couple and one solo, that were camped in the area.
Sadly, some who get off the road seem to drop all their RV friends soon afterward. Maybe they don't want the reminders of how fun it was.
Family is family, you can't do much about them.

2riker2go · RV-Dreams Family Member

When we hit the road, we decided to keep our doctors, dentist, etc. So we do return to what we consider our "home area" every summer for several months. We have a good time spending time with family and occasional get togethers with friends. However, while our family has been pretty supportive of our lifestyle (and the ones who weren't have come around), I can't say that any of them are really interested in seeing it. It has basically just become our house, no big deal and no one really thinks about asking questions about it. Most of the time when we get together we are either at a restaurant (like for a dinner with friends) or visiting family at their house. Somewhat because of logistics - space etc, and also because we don't have to pay a visitor fee at their place.

marianne57 · RV-Dreams Family Member

I'm not sure if the RV has anything to do with it or if its just moving period. I've been transferred 3 times with my current company and each time we moved, you swear to keep in touch, and you'll be back etc, but to Barb's point....people get other interests and new friends and you're now an outsider. To the other's points.....many of our friends are still looking at us like we have 4 heads when we talk about going full-time next year. It's inconceivable how we can just up and sell our house and go on the road with no set time frame or destination. I'm thinking that some of them are just jealous that they can't or won't do the same thing! In any case...we'll still circle around to visit close relatives, but outside of parents and siblings...don't really care about anyone else.

azrving · RV-Dreams Family Member

marianne57 wrote:
I'm not sure if the RV has anything to do with it or if its just moving period.

Amen! We lived in the same small town for 42 years and since we moved most of our friends and family think we no longer exist. It seems like we have betrayed them by wanting to move & see/experience something other than SC. "Small town mentality" was one of the main reasons I wanted to leave our hometown and my only regret so far is that I didn't make the leap sooner. Growing up we would either go to the beach (2 hours away) or to the mountains (also 2 hours away) for vacation. My wife and I made a decision to travel with our children so they could experience more than just our hometown. That's how we fell in love with and later moved to Arizona with our children. My wonderful mother in law is the only person we miss and we will return to visit her when we hit the road full time. We still have property in SC but none of our children want to return and we certainly don't want to...so it's going on the market soon.

"Can you go home again?" Yes, I could but I have no desire to since we really didn't like it when we lived there. We don't get to decide where we are born & raised but we do have a choice on how and where we want to spend our adult life. I prefer to spend time with people that like to travel, like the RV lifestyle, like exploring, like living.

-- Edited by azrving on Monday 8th of June 2015 10:54:26 AM

Someday · RV-Dreams Family Member

I always thoroughly enjoy your thoughts, perspectives and detailed accounts of how this FTing life experience is unfolding for you around each and every bend. Your camper chronicles is a wonderful read, so do keep on doing what you are doing :)

The saying "Birds of a feather flock together" comes to mind Trace and I know exactly what you mean and felt on your return visit after some time away. Other RVers have the same passion and interest you do now, but would you have felt the way you do today some 10+ years ago with an enthusiastic RVer?

Having emigrated over two decades ago from the UK, when we've gone back on odd occasions to visit (taking hubby this Sat for 12 days = his first back there in 18+ years = OMG is he in for a HUGE shock!), we initially get the questions about life in Canada, and then within a few minutes of our excitement responses, we start to see the glazed over eyes starting. Initially I used to visit for a couple of days four times a year as I went back on immigration business that often so didn't notice for several years the changes occurring so prominently. Then I had a four year gap on a return and boy oh boy did I see the changes = amount of people, migration of upcountry folks coming down deep south Cornish Riviera to escape their rat race and indirectly turning sleepy cornish villages into that same rat race and so on over the years. Crowded excessively compared to how we grew up, tight overbuilding of new housing estates, and loss of the historical culture, buildings and folks who had the same homes stay in the families for centuries is now a very rare situation to see. When I was growing up and into young adult hood it was as though everything was in a time warp and stood still. Now with how technology and ease of travel has evolved everything everywhere and people are changing at rapid pace. Being away it's hard to accept these changes that have occurred daily around the folks we left behind. So yes they have moved on and adapted to the changes in both their relationships and their surroundings. Classic example is folks don't know how to communicate the world over face to face or on the telephone it's all done via twitter, text, FB or otherwise, so yes the folks we knew will have changed as well.

Another thing to consider is some folks are really into Football or Soccer or Hockey or Nascar or Horse Disciplines or Rowing or Bowling or whatever, yet if they were to talk to someone with little other than polite interest about it with the enthusiasm that they feel, they'd get the glazed over eyes look as well. It's hard but change is inevitable and as we all know very often it's not always for the better, but in this day and age it's occurring more rapidly than it did two, three, four decades ago for sure. Also accepting that your passion is not everyone else's passion is a huge consideration to keep in mind.

Our youngest daughter who emigrated as a toddler, I took back in 2011 for a visit to our 15th century family homestead, gravesites and other attractions and her comments to me were this: "Mum, it wasn't as I expected it to be based on the way you and dad talk about your lives and family back there when we are home in Canada. Secondly, your driving in the UK is better than your driving in Canada". The latter is probably because she was shocked how narrow and windy the streets were, she'd never seen me drive a stick shift and was a nervous wreck prior about my doing so. Because of that you have to keep your wits about you driving moreso than on wide 6 lane grid roads back in North America on cruise control, I'm sure. A totally different culture, landscape and experience than what she expected because everything and everybody had changed from when we lived there permanently. Interesting to get a twenty year old Canadian gal's perspective, that was oh so different to that we chose to remember up to that point.

My Uncle used to say to me in my late teens and early twenties "I don't know why anyone needs to go any further than Truro, we've got all we need". Truro was 10 miles from where we lived and the nearest hospital = it is a really mini city, but seemed worlds apart to my family back then. When we go back my Aunt still attends her Chapel choir as she's done for well over half a century and still goes to her very much reduced handful of old ladies homes to fix their hair for them. In some respects for our family behind the entry gates to our homestead time has stood still, but outside the now overly crowded streets, paid for parking near the beaches and some of our heritage sites it saddens me greatly. Many things change due to aging of relatives and friends and their having adapted to the changes that have occurred around them also, but equally some folks are adventurers at heart and others are very much cocooned homebodies happy with their lot and their close immediate family ties.

I'm sure once you make your third, fourth and fifth visits Trace, you will like many of us have, get to the acceptance level - but for sure I felt very much like you did after being away for a few years from our home towns and returning to the changes both structurally and relationships wise. One thing for sure, it's taught me a great appreciation for the wonderful lives we have here in Canada and the USA to say nothing of the freedom of being able to RV and travel North America and not get to see it all in one lifetime.

jrzygrl64 · RV-Dreams Family Member

It is interesting that you brought this up b/c Bill and I are going to be near our most recent former "home" area next month and I've been wondering how it will be. Some of my friends read by blog and occasionally send me a note. I've let everyone know our visit dates and many want lunch or dinner dates, but no requests to see the rig. Some have already seen it, in all fairness, but some just have no interest at all. Bills own brother doesn't really have an interest. He owns 30+ acres of land but didn't invite us to come stay with him, Bill even sort of suggested it and I know it hurt his feelings when a place up the street was pointed out to us instead. Weird. My brother, on the other side, thought we could park in the driveway of his rented house - sweet - but no way!

Cori is right - don't let it get in your head. Each to their own. You and Lee are doing what's right for you - and your girls are supportive - that's all that matters.

Kelly

manycats · RV-Dreams Family Member

Of all the people I have known and met during my quite long life I only keep in touch with one High School friend, one co-worker and with my youngest cousin, and not too often with any of them. During my young adult working life I moved almost every three years, made many acquaintances and left them all behind. My DH has been my only constant since we married. Being an only child made me very independent and I had very few deep attachments. Like many of you say our lives change and the ties that held us together for a while are broken.

The RV community has more in common with us now than our friends or even our families. We no longer share the same interests and, luckily we don't share the same burdens. Enjoy your new life to the fullest and never regret what you left behind. I've never heard of anyone having more than one life...

DebbieM · RV-Dreams Family Member

Like you, we are "back home" now in Placerville, CA. It's where we've raised the kids the last 15 years. The place we most have enjoyed living. Most of my family lives in small towns very near here. We're staying on my brothers ranch right now. While it felt weird first driving in, more like a place we "used to live" rather than arriving "back home", we are somewhat more comfortable now. We'll have been here 2 months when we leave towards Glacier (and visiting with you & Lee!). It's been great seeing our kids, parents, siblings a few friends. But it doesn't so much have that homey feel either. Hard to put my finger on it. It's been a great visit, but we're getting a bit itchy to get going again. We don't have the faintest idea where we'll end up. If we still have family here, I'd come back. It is a great place. But I think it will be more sharing our time taking care of ageing parents in 2 different states and visiting 4 kids (and hopefully someday, grandkids).

Most of my family and our friends are camping/outdoor people, so it's been nice that they are all still very interested. Several have flown out to visit us on the road and we will be doing some boondocking in one of my favorite places with a few other couples before we head back out on the road. I think it's like others say, it's just different when you leave. Life goes on and so does everyone elses lives. Nothing personal, it's just how it is. We love the new friendships we've made on the road and they are just as important to us as the "old life".

Cactuskate · RV-Dreams Community Member

I wonder if there are any part-timers lurking who would like to chime in on how the transition(s) from one life to the other go?
I wonder also how many of the families and friends some people left behind themselves felt rejected, so are distant in their responses now. I moved from my childhood area a few years ago, and although I am in a s&b my friends don't have much interest in visiting me here, or even in knowing much about my life other than the very basic stuff (health, work). I chalk it up to them feeling like I abandoned them....
And the one thing that stands out is that many rv-ers, especially the ones on this forum, feel that they have found their "tribe" - supporting each other in ways that s&b folks don't (like running over to help you with your "dump" issues) - so even if your friends and family from your former home are interested, they way they show it will still feel a bit alien to you...
My plan is to part-time for a few months at a stretch. Hope to see you out there.....

el Rojo and Pam · RV-Dreams Family Member

For us it was just like someone else said "we just came back to a place we used to live". We only had 3 close neighbors we wanted to visit. One came out to the RV for a cook out and we had a great time, the other two we had really good visits at their houses. One of our older friends says he wishes he had the courage to do what we did when he was younger.

IMO. What we all have to realize is that our choice of life style is not the norm. Most people have to have a stable routine to feel comfortable. This includes long relationships with friends and neighbors. What they don't see is the bond that RV'ers form very quickly ( I guess that's the tribal instinct mentioned above). We still have our daily routines, we just do it in different settings from week to week or month to month.

I'm not sure if it's a drive to seek new adventures, a journey to live a less stressful life or the freedom to travel at will, but Pam and I are having a great time.

PIEERE · RV-Dreams Family Member

I went back to my hometown area in July of last year; the first time in seven years. Left the RV in Tn. where I reside now. It was nice to see most every one; especially and old high school friend that I had not seen in 44 years. Stayed in the garage Apartment of my nephew, he was like me always worked on mechanical projects and such. Seen my brother-in law who I stayed at in my traveling days; but had to visit my sister in the Alzheimers ward in the hospital. That was depressing; but at the same time nice to visit to settle my head.
No it's not the same; went to visit a brother and his wife; soon as she answered the door started chewing me out as I had not been in touch. She said she thought I had died; told her she almost got her wish. They never were much for socializing and staying in touch. My brother seemed pleased to see me though, Asked me if I was moving back. Told him as I tried in 2007 to locate employ and a place, too expensive with a double digit unemployment rate.
I did not know anyone here in Lebanon Tn. when I first came here, just they had two VA hospitals and I needed heart failure aftercare. I made some friends and most of the residents here are friendly. I live in an RV Park here and am within 2 &1/2 miles from shopping and 18 miles from the VA. Like it where I am; but who knows what hitch-itch can do!

njb1957 · RV-Dreams Community Member

I haven't started full-timing yet but I moved from my home of 15yrs to what will be my last s&b in St. Louis last fall. Quit my well paying job for a lesser one here. Sold my home & extremely downsized. Now just paying off the rig until I hit the road. I'm not so sure it is the lifestyle as it is the lack of face to face, immediate relationships that is the big difference. My friends and family in Wisconsin & Illinois are caught up in their current situations as I am in mine right here. And we have lost communication already. It is like a military PCS (permanent change of station) and I am okay with that.

I read on the Becoming Minimalist Blog something interesting. "When we endure our days only for the sake of tomorrow (the weekend, the vacation, or the retirement), we miss out on the full beauty and potential of the present." I think that is part of what separates RVers from non-RVers. We no longer live for tomorrow - we fully live out today. We still plan for the future of course but we don't wait to enjoy our lives.

Also could it be non-RVers are living for the weekends when they can get a temporary respite - breathing space - and the opportunity to make up the losses of time of the week before and attempt to repay the work/life deficit with which most people are burdened. This came from an article from a family in the UK www.bbc.com/news/magazine-32974131. RVers are eliminating the work/life deficit. They have found a balance.

So perhaps others are jealous or more likely they just can't see they are in a rut and can't find their way out of their routine. RVers can be a beacon of hope. We might not see any changes in non-RVers, but oh you better believe they are taking notice of us and thinking about it.

MarkS · RV-Dreams Family Member

"Home"? Let's see...23 years in the Air Force and almost 20 since retirement... I'll have to look at my birth certificate.

mlguy · RV-Dreams Community Member

Many friends & family have asked to see our rig. I don't know if they ask to visit out of curiosity, or because they think it will make us feel good, or just to make the effort to still be an active part of our lives. I've never thought about it. We usually meet and spend time together at a place that is the most convenient for those with the least amount of free time. I don't take it personally, I am just happy to be with the people that have touched my life and that continue to want to do so.

For me, home has always been where my heart is. My family & friends are always in my heart, so I never feel homesick. I feel so lucky that facebook and other communication methods are available to keep up with my friends from far away! I don't mind if my friends and I have less in common than we once had... I'm just glad that they still care about me, and I them.

soos · RV-Dreams Family Member

When we left "home" in Michigan 6 years ago to go full time it was because we knew we didn't want to stay there permanently. We did keep some stuff in storage there, and went back most years, visiting with friends and neighbors. while checking on our stuff.
We always figured we'd find a place we want to land....someday. Well, we just bought land in Havasu, AZ and are building a house, pool and all. We'll only be there in the winters and will still travel most of the time. We love boating, so Havasu works for us. We made a final trip to MI to organize our stuff for shipment. It was bitter sweet because our friends all knew we wouldn't be back.

Its an awkward feeling at the moment. DH keeps thinking we will still be fulltimers, even with the house, haha.
We Will have 2 FHU spots so hope to keep our fulltiming friends.

ChefMom · RV-Dreams Family Member

I certainly hope you can go home again. I have enjoyed all of the years in our home in Methuen, Massachusetts. To be certain, there are pitfalls in any kind of home ownership and I'm sure we'll find that living in an rv as well. However, I wouldn't trade the memories of my kids growing up in that house or the feeling of sitting peacefully by the window open to our backyard drinking my morning coffee and listening to the birds. The many little renovations and improvements that went into making it truly our home, right from the muted, peaceful colors we painted our living areas in, down to the terribly loud, brilliant green my daughter chose as a color for her bedroom when she was small. I guess when I think of coming home again though, it's not to that particular house, or to any particular people, but to the area we carefully chose to be our home for many years. We have and have had great neighbors. We mind our business and they mind theirs but if you need someone to keep an eye on your property or there is an issue going on in town that you need to know more about, we are always there for each other. We're not best friends or meet-up-for-coffee buddies, we're merely people who live next to each other peacefully. Will they move on when we go fulltime-----gee, I hope so. I know we will.

When I think of how I have been happy here, and know grief here, and of all the other emotions that are just the "stuff of life", I would be very sad indeed if I could not at the very least revisit all of that in my mind and maybe even think of returning to the area when we are tired of traveling or when one or both of us are not longer able to travel for whatever reason.

Can you go home again? Maybe the question should be--do you want to come home again. I understand that not everyone would wish to and that's o.k. too. To each his own. But, my memories of my s&b home are more happy than sad and while I will be ecstatic to finally be able to leave the chores and upkeep behind us, I truly believe my life, my marriage, my children, and even our happy desire to be fulltime rver's would not be what it/they is/are today if I had not been able to call this place my home. We'll travel, we'll see new things, meet new people and hopefully, thoroughly enjoy our new way of life once we can hit the road. When it's all done, for whatever reason, I'd go back in a heartbeat.