The importance of both halves of a couple being able to do everything - RV-Dreams Community Forum

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

The importance of both halves of a couple being able to do everything

jrzygrl64 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Glad you are doing ok!

I am very nervous - but have signed up for driving lessons so I can drive the rig if ever needed.

I have helped with other outside duties but have never done them on my own - should probably do that!

Hope your repairs go smoothly!

Kelly

The Restless Youngs · RV-Dreams Family Member

Great topic. We've talked about this a lot recently and as a result, several of us have signed up with RV Driving school so we're in a position to drive if we needed to. I'll save emptying the black tank as last on my list of things to learn though!!! (but will learn it!!) And hope you are feeling better!!

-- Edited by byseaandbyland on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 06:59:54 PM

Barbaraok · RV-Dreams Family Member

Bill,

When you decide to do something, you don't go half way do you? Sounds almost like drive-up surgery they sent you packing so fast.

I'll just echo Bill's warning about making sure the other half can do all things necessary to keep you going. I had to move us twice this past summer when Dave's back went out. And I know that if I were down, Dave is very good at finding take out to get us through. biggrin

Barb

Lynn and Ed · RV-Dreams Family Member

Bill, I am glad things are ok. Additionally, I can not agree more with you. We started out sharing almost all responsibilities; the only problem we might have is if Ed has to figure out how to work the washer and dryer, if I was not able. Particularly with driving and parking the RV, we have always shared that responsibility.

Kelly, you go girl ... enjoy the lessons. I found it fairly simple; if you can drive the truck -- you just have to remember it is longer when towing and you need to make wider turns.

-- Edited by Lynn and Ed on Thursday 26th of February 2015 10:44:48 PM

Barbaraok · RV-Dreams Family Member

byseaandbyland wrote:
Great topic. We've talked about this a lot recently and as a result, several of us have signed up with RV Driving school so we're in a position to drive if we needed to. I'll save emptying the black tank as last on my list of things to learn though!!! (but will learn it!!) And hope you are feeling better!!

-- Edited by byseaandbyland on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 06:59:54 PM

Black tank is easy. Just pull and drain, put some more water in the tank through the toilet, drain again. Then do the grey tank to clean out the line. After done dumping, it is really just rinsing and draining the hose, then put it away.

Hardest that I found was doing the battery checks, because getting to our back batteries is hard given the way our battery bank is arranged. I hate the job, but can get it done if I have to.

Barb

Flyerone · RV-Dreams Community Member

Glad you are doing ok.

What driving schools are you going to? I want my wife to learn to drive our setup but don't think I would be the best teacher.

bigboomer · RV-Dreams Family Member

Bill, Glad you are doing OK and praying for a speedy recovery. You are spot on about sharing the load/ burdens of our lifestyle. Sue has always been eager to watch, learn and do including driving the rig, setup and breakdown. I also try to stay up to date on all her day to day chores and activities so we are well rounded. Get well soon, Les

The Restless Youngs · RV-Dreams Family Member

We are doing rvdrivingschool.com. Believe they have several teachers who do some traveling, attend rallies, etc. They have been at the last couple of rv-dreams rallies.

BiggarView · RV-Dreams Family Member

Soooo true, Bill. Not only knowing but not getting complacent. Periodically swapping duties and refreshing yourself on checklists that your spouse/partner normally is responsible for will certainly help. Can empathize with the solo RVers comment... somebody should always know where you are and where to find your checklists. Operating on a"buddy system" is worth considering.

Now here's to a speedy recovery.

TRAILERKING · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sorry to hear of your surgery......hope you recover fast. I just had a surgery also......was not good.

However when you are in a pinch and can't drive your rig let me know. I'll pilot it around for you then I'll sure get to see the world, Hahaha. Well I guess better stop "Dreamin" and get back to work for now.

Someday · RV-Dreams Family Member

Get well soon BJ, take it easy and resist doing much for a few days, even if you feel you can!!! Wholeheartedly agree with both spouses/partners being able to work all systems including driving, you never know when one needs to step into the others shoes in this partnership.

I have the perfect solution for my hubby, when his back, rotator surgery, chest problems etc occurred in the past. Rope around his arms to secure them to his body when in the passenger seat and some duct tape for his mouth. (Joking, but seriously am very tempted every time!). Move over! Don't labour her so much! Give her more gas! Change down gear! and so the story goes ............

To each their own, but I don't particularly relish the driving personally Kelly but can and do do it every so often, all the other systems are a breeze with practice. We also tend to work together from bringing in the slides to spraying the jacks when retracting/setting up with blocks, flushing the black tank and dumping, hooking up and so on. When anything breaks down we both work on it together so we both learn for future reference.

Same applies to all other areas of our lives especially the finances. We've met so many over the years where one spouse handles the finances and the other hasn't a clue when their partner's in dispose.

Speedy recovery to you Bill.

NWescapee · RV-Dreams Family Member

Thanks for the reminder Bill!! I did complete RV driving school and help with some of the driving. However, I've not learned how to do the entire hitching up and unhitching process yet. Guess it's time to make it a priority again.

Hdrider · RV-Dreams Family Member

We hope you heal fast Bill. And you bring up a good point. In our case Diane can dive the rig down the road enough to get us parked if need be but we are sure that if we are parked in a campground and something happens to me she will not be pulling out and going anywhere on her own. So knowing that, the plan in place is the rig would sit or we would contact a friend to have it moved if need be. Even though she has helped with everything involved in setting up and departing there are times people simply have limit's and you need to plan around those limitations.

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

Yesterday Diane had to figure out how to put out 35' of sewer hose, since the sewer hookup is not convenient here at Cummins. At least they have a sewer hookup. She did it without my help, since our cat was so happy to be in my lap and getting up out of a chair is painful for me. Diane does have a bad back, so we already made changes like using an aluminum towbar, so she could do everything. Even in pain, I am very happy Diane can handle everything needed.
Later I was able to inspect the work and she did well, as we went out to eat since we had nothing ready. I am not saying Longhorn Steakhouse is a healthy choice, but a Caesar salad (real romaine lettuce), a small steak and ice cream tasted really good and I got my fiber and protein. Way better than hospital food.
In 2013, when her father had his one and only heart attack, which was fatal, Diane ended up rescuing her mother and motorhome. Her mother could drive and thought she could do everything, but learned quickly that she had not done many things in over 10 years and had never backup up the motorhome. Diane was able to find everything needed and complete the setup and teardown routines and was comfortable driving the 40' motorhome on narrow campground roads and backing up. She also provided emotional support, which was very much needed. Now Diane's mother has a smaller and simpler 33' motorhome and is traveling solo with no problems.
I will be limited in what I can do, since I find my stomach muscles are involved in many movements I had no idea they were. Getting in and out of a car is really bad, in and out of a chair is bad and I can't blow my nose with force or cough without pain. But being home is really nice, eating what is normal is great, and I expect every day I will be better. I also feel lucky, immensely lucky, I just had an incarcerated hernia with fat being "jailed" instead in intestines. Kathy Huggins of http://www.livingthervdream.com/ just lost 95% of her small intestine to a hernia, pretty much shutting down her fulltiming life.

-- Edited by bjoyce on Thursday 26th of February 2015 11:38:31 AM

ChefMom · RV-Dreams Family Member

Hope you are getting better. Such a good point to make. I, myself, was stuck at a park in Vermont when my other half had a small stroke and ended up in the hospital. I knew how to do absolutely zip/nada. He had always done everything. I had never even driven the suv with the popup attached that we had at that time. There is no automatic anything to the breakdown of those things. I had help come from one state away and relied on the kindness of people at the park. But, in the end, I drove away, hitched up and terrified and I never want to be that ignorant of what to do again. There would have been youtube evidence of how clueless I was, but my niece who came to help me made her daughter get rid of the posting. I guess it was very comedic, right down to someone laying on their back in the dirt kicking at something and someone else wacking the trailer with a log to get a part to cooperate.

I will learn all setup and breakdown with the rv we have now and have been inspired by all here to get the ball rolling and have contacted an rv driving school to gain the confidence to drive with the rv attached.

DebbieM · RV-Dreams Family Member

Good news that you're getting a little stronger each day. And hopefully less pain too. Good reminder that I need a brush up on things too.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sorry to hear about your emergency surgery and repairs that are needed. I wish you a speedy recovery. Are you using Dick Gore in Jax by any chance? They did our repairs a few months back and they were GREAT!

As for us, I am almost incapable of doing anything outside the rig. Because of the cautions from my dislocated hip, I can't get into a squatting or bending position so I'm unable to do the water and sewer hookups. Even emptying the tanks is a bit of a challenge.

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

We are at Cummins getting a new fuel pump. We had hard starts in the morning and thought it was electrical. Turned out the fuel was leaking out of the line via the pump, so there was no diesel when the starter kicked on

Barbaraok · RV-Dreams Family Member

Bill,

What did you do, mention you were going to have some extra money while sitting in the coach one morning? Don't you know that the coach listens to everything you say and is more than willing to suck any extra $$$ into a chance to have a diesel technician work on it. I swear these coaches are drawn to Cummins facilities like Swallows back to Capistrano.

Hope you doing better. remember, walking is really good exercise when abominable muscles have been cut. Walked lots of mile after my hysterectomy. And you are correct, you really don't know until those muscles are cut how even simple things (like laughing or coughing) involve so many muscles. Did you know that vacuuming also involves abdominal muscles - surgeon won't let me vacumn for 6 weeks.

Barb

Aurora Borealis · RV-Dreams Family Member

So sorry to hear of your health troubles, BJ
Glad you are on the mend.

marianne57 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sorry to hear about your surgery but sounds like some really sound advice for those of us still preparing. I know I need to learn how to drive the fiver, and it's something I'll pursue for sure! Hope you continue to heal and are up and around soon!

Bill and Jodee · RV-Dreams Family Member

Like Barb, the battery check is so far the only thing that I find challenging. It's not lack of capability or desire, but rather lack of arm length! I have to stand up on the passenger seat to work the slides so that should tell you something

We are fortunate that we both drive the rig with confidence. I am the main driver and Bill is a much better navigator so that works out well for us. We're just starting out and so far we have just "fallen into" the jobs/tasks we are each best at (or have arms long enough to do comfortably), but we make sure we both know how to do everything, and how each thing works.

I'm so happy to see that many more women are learning to drive their rigs - and especially pleased that you are not attempting to learn from your spouse

Jodee

dianneandsteve · RV-Dreams Family Member

We wish you a speedy recovery Bill. You'll be doing sit-ups again before you know it! wink

We do have a couple of those things you mentioned to work on.

Good luck!

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Bill,

Prayers for a speedy recovery, and I think Barb's walking suggestion is a great one. Personally, I've not had surgery on the body before, so I can't relate to cut muscles and such.

As for Jo, she was a farm girl, so she was competent with pulling trailers, although those were much shorter than our fifth wheel. I spent a number of years as a professional driver, so it was an easy process for me. When Jo has driven the truck pulling the Mobile Suites, she hasn't ever had a problem. I guess the next time we go to move, I need to make sure that she does the hitching and unhitching.

Now, I guess I need to learn to cook, just in case she becomes bedridden or something someday.

Terry

jrzygrl64 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Jodee - it's so funny you bring that up b/c Bill was actually a bit "taken back" when I finally admitted I didn't think I could/should learn from him. We simply speak differently about such things. Watching me try to just give him help backing in is proof of that. He knows (pretty much) what he's doing - but explaining it to me is completely different and I'm not willing to risk my home. I think when all is said and done he will be glad - for both of us!

p.s. Thanks everyone for the encouragement!

-- Edited by jrzygrl64 on Thursday 26th of February 2015 11:33:25 PM

Barbaraok · RV-Dreams Family Member

We found out that it is much better if I back into a site with Dave giving directions as he knows where he wants us to be.

Barb

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

Hi Bill,

Thanks for sharing. It is a really good reminder to always be prepared. You've perfectly illustrated why I think it's so important to know how everything works. It's not a lack of trust but a need to be prepared. Hope you feel better soon Bill.

Trace

WestWardHo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Hi Bill,

So sorry you're dealing with pain and we hope you recover quickly. You've always been a strong advocate for both partners being able to do all functions. You helped us make the decision for me to go to RV Driving School when Jesse was DX'd with ALS and you've helped us and many others with the great information you share. Diane is an inspiration. Wish you were closer as we could loan you transfer boards, lightweight transfer wheel chair and anything else you could possibly need.

I'll be posting a Jesse update on a new thread.

Sherry

Someday · RV-Dreams Family Member

Hey Bill,

Hope you are feeling quite a bit better a week on from your op. Be sure that you aren't overdoing it!!!! Remember my hubby after his umbilical hernia op 20+ years ago, thought he was feeling good, started doing stuff he shouldn't have and slowed the healing big time the Dr's said.

Take care of you.

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sherry: You two are often in our thoughts.

Someday: I am behaving since I know a couple people who set bad examples for me to observe. I had my one week checkup today with the surgeon and it went great. Yesterday our motorhome repair was completed, with less tech hours since the guy knew a couple ways to get it done faster and we have a side radiator. We are ready for take off and will start heading west in a couple days.

I was able to help some getting us set back up yesterday, but Diane still needs to do tasks I normally do. In this case that meant some handling of the power cord and sewer, since it is a long run.

Loretta · RV-Dreams Family Member

Bill I am so glad that you are feeling better. Life throws us curve balls along the way.

My driving lessons are scheduled for April 1st and 2nd. After Bill's sudden death it has been a learning experience for me. I am able to set up and take down, now it's the driving. Next it will be to hook up the tow dolly and connect the car. It might be that this unit is too large. Sherry is the one who encouraged me to learn the ropes. Thank you Sherry.

-- Edited by Loretta on Wednesday 4th of March 2015 09:46:27 AM

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

Loretta: Glad to hear you are continuing on your own. I am sure there are days you wonder why, but other days you wonder why you doubted.

Loretta · RV-Dreams Family Member

Bill, it is because of the love, support and encouragement of my RVDreams family that I even thought this would be possible. You guys are awesome, thank you.

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

Diane is counting the days until my 20lb maximum limit is history. She is not used to handling some larger weights and pulled a muscle in her stomach along with spraining her knee. The good news is I don't have to worry about my medical expenses the rest of the year, I have hit my out of pocket maximum and my deductible. I have not yet had my annual exams.

Someday · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sounds like 3 weeks post you are doing good Bill! Thrilled for you both, and no doubt Diane will be a happy camper again soon as she can start handing the reins back.

We got quotes for laser back surgery for my hubby down in Fla last year. MRI's were fair value $'s we thought, but ......... nearly died the quotes for some basic quick operation we were quoted though. So grateful for our non-perfect Canadian Health Care for sure - it's one of those rightly or wrongly, where the squeaky wheel gets the most grease. We squeaked so loud in January his MRI scheduled 6 months out was done within 3 days = Amazing eh?

A few hours belated but Happy St Patricks Day :)

suse1023 · RV-Dreams Family Member

It's always one thing or another isn't it? Hope you are still healing well and Diane will get to take it easy very soon!

Meanwhile, I'm newly single and about to undergo my first trip--i'm giving myself almost the entire month of April to get from San Antonio to Seiverville for the rally!

I've always been the driver and 'in charge' of the interior, while my dear late dh handled everything else.
So I've taught myself to drain the tanks and change the propane tanks, at the rally I expect i'll learn a whole lot more, and cant wait.

I'm waiting for a new hitch to arrive, I need to learn about that and not worry i'm not attached properly going down the road!