Will FT as a couple but wouldn't alone...does that mean anything? - RV-Dreams Community Forum

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

Will FT as a couple but wouldn't alone...does that mean anything?

Dog Folks · RV-Dreams Family Member

You don't know if you can or would go it alone until you are alone.

You don't have the courage in you right now, because it is not needed now.

You are only human and fearing the unknown. Don't worry about it.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Great words and well put Joseph!

There are just as many fears and doubts for just about any and every endeavor to be undertaken! Life is a risk and well worth taking!

Dog Folks · RV-Dreams Family Member

cherylbrv wrote:
Great words and well put Joseph!

There are just as many fears and doubts for just about any and every endeavor to be undertaken! Life is a risk and well worth taking!

Thanks much, but call me Joe. The only time I heard Joseph was when I was in trouble! smile

Technomadia · RV-Dreams Family Member

I completely concur with Joe.

You're happily in a partnership right now (as I am). The switch to being solo in life would be a change all onto itself. But who knows what you are capable of on your own at this same juncture in your life. It's difficult to hypothesis about scenarios, and the events that led up to them, that don't actually exist in your life.

If something happened the dissolved my partnership with Chris, I honestly don't know if I would continue as a solo RVer or not. It's not my reality right now, and nor can I speculate who I would be or what circumstances would put me in the position to need to contemplate such a decision. Or what individual healing I would need to grow from that experience.

It's not a cut and dry simple equation :)

- Cherie

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

My mother-in-law has been going through this since May, when she unexpectedly found herself a widow while fulltiming. She agonized about settling down or staying a fulltimer. It has been a struggle, but she decided to keep fulltiming. The travel bug is too strong and she doesn't want to be up north in winter. We have been traveling with her, to provide help and support.

She tried to continue with her 40' tag axle diesel pusher motorhome, but finally realized that it was too much for her. Last week she signed paperwork to trade it in for a 33' gas Class A motorhome that she can handle better. Sometime this week we will help her move everything into the new motorhome. The floorplan is more open, with large opposing slides up front instead of one 18" deep slide. The systems are simpler and have not been modified (jury-rigged) by my deceased father-in-law. The motorhome is much more maneuverable, it will u-turn on a four lane road. It will be all hers, no more voice telling her "don't touch that, I'll do it", but that person is no longer around. She did have to compromise on a couple of her "must haves" that didn't make sense with a smaller rig, but she got more of them than either Diane or I thought she would.

Anyway, like many other decisions that are "we", going solo the decisions change to "I". You might have to go back and start over on your plans. You might travel to different places (only one person to please) and stay in different settings (more or less boondocking, more or less rural, more or less public parks, more or less workcamping). A smaller RV, easier to handle for one, would be another change and would increase your camping choices. But, it is still doable.

The Bear II · RV-Dreams Family Member

One couple in our camping group had a long and happy marriage and were fulltime RVers. When the husband died, the wife (70 years old) wanted to continue RVing but knew she wouldn't be able to do it in there 36 foot MH. She sold the MH and got a Class B bubble top van.. she loves it.

Another widow sold the 40 foot MH and got a 28ft Class C. She travels all over with a couple of different camping groups.

2riker2go · RV-Dreams Family Member

I have had the same thought, that I would never have had the courage to do this on my own. Like the others said, who knows really, what I would have done if I was alone and pondering this decision. I guess it just makes me grateful that I'm not alone and didn't have to make that choice. As far as the future and what it holds, someone told me once, God gives you the grace for the day when you are living it. :)

jrzygrl64 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Trace,

I have also thought about this and my conclusion, based just on total speculation, is I would probably not full-time myself. Not the drive around by myself all the time kind of full-time anyways. I have considered that I might just park it and use it like a vacation home, somewhere warm for the winters and get a place near my kids for summers. Not having been out full-time yet, I guess I really don't know for sure. As has been stated, you don't know how you are going to feel or how much strength and courage you have inside until you need it. I have found myself in situations that prior to it, I thought I knew for sure how I would act, but when it happened to ME, it wasn't at all what I previously thought. Life is like that. You, like me, have been with your husband for many years, your WHOLE adult life, and I have no idea what I would look like by myself, much less what I would feel like. I mean, (I have a feeling I will get some flack for this one - ) but if I am not Bill's wife, who am I? I realize I would still be a mother to my kids and I am still KELLY, but KELLY has always been half of this marriage, even before that as we started dating at 15 years old and we were friends before that. I am sure it would take me time to figure out who I am on my own, as well as how I want to live.

I have an aunt, my grandmothers sister, who moved with her husband and 2 young (ages 6 and 4 1/2) daughters from NY to Israel back in 1971. They sold EVERYTHING except the clothes on their backs (literally they left with one suitcase each) and moved to a Kibbutz in Northern Israel. They didn't speak the language at all, had never been there before, knew nothing except what they heard about from the people trying to repopulate Israel with Jews. My uncle had a very presigious job he left behind. They raised their daughters there and after a time the daughters moved around some and are all currently in the US raising their families. My aunt and uncle stayed. Then last year, my uncle got sick and passed away. They were married 50 years! Bill asked me if Aura (my aunt) will be coming back to the states now to live with one of her daughters. I said I didn't think so. She hasn't and has no intention of doing so. That is her home now. She is 81 years old and is very independent. Interesting note though, I do believe if my aunt had passed first, Uncle Arnold would have been back in the US very quickly. He would probably not have stayed on there himself. Less independent. Would I have been able or even want to stay that far from my kids and be that much on my own? MY guess is probably not, but who knows? Guess my point is you will be strong and make the best decision you can when you need to, and continue your journey, with or without your RV.

I am curious though, what do you think your husband would do? I have no idea what Bill would do, I asked him once, and he hates that kind of talk and he said "how am I supposed to know?" I am curious what others (men and women) have to say.

Kelly

Clay L · RV-Dreams Family Member

Before we became snow birds (full timed for 11 years) I had decided that if anything happened to my wife (married 52 years in April) that I would not continue full timing or even RVing.
Traveling without my navigator, backing up without my spotter, etc - just too much hassle to suit me.
Other folks will undoubtedly see it differently though.

-- Edited by Clay L on Tuesday 25th of February 2014 11:52:02 AM

PIEERE · RV-Dreams Family Member

We all do what we have to do when we need to do it!!!! Fear of the unknown a challenge; no matter it could be like when yo got married that warm and fuzzy feeling; or riding on a Super roller coaster; exhilerating or frightened out of your wits!!!
if we need to we can try it and if it's not our cup-o-tea try something else; like trying to find that new car; ot favorite pair of comfortable shoes. Good day! Pieere

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

Diane and I have discussed it. Neither of us knows if we would continue fulltiming if we found ourselves alone, but we both know we are capable of it. Both of us have done all the jobs of setting up camp, tearing down camp, hooking and unhooking the car for towing, and driving in all situations. We have both ended up driving the motorhome alone for various reasons, so we know either of us could go on alone with our current setup. Could and would are not the same, but we both hope it doesn't happen.

A friend who is solo says that it takes him about 3 times as long to setup and tear down as it takes a couple. The extra time, it should be twice as long, is because he has to be methodical and check his work more. This does keep him from setting up fully on one night stays and causes him to keep shorter stays at a minimum. He is in a two slide 40' DP towing an SUV, directly comparable to our setup.

Dog Folks · RV-Dreams Family Member

For what it is worth, my wife and I have also discussed it. As I am older and in much worse health, chances are I will go first.

My wife tells me that my remains will be cremated, placed in an urn and then under the bed storage in our RV, while she continues the journey!

Bill and Jodee · RV-Dreams Family Member

For me there is no question I would fulltime solo. I would be out there right now if not waiting for Bill to retire next year. I have had this dream for years, before Bill and I got together 6 years ago. He is just as enthusiastic as I am (at a more healthy, less obsessed level than myself) and would go solo as well.

My BFF and her husband have had RVs for years and now that they are retired will be traveling much of the year, but not going fulltime. Without a doubt she would never solo, but she loves the life every bit as much as he does, every bit as much as we do. She just has no desire to go it alone out there.

What it means to me is that people are different. Not braver, smarter, safer, happier, better-er - just different. I'm confident there are things all of us enjoy and love to do with our partners that we wouldn't want to do alone. It doesn't mean we aren't suited for it on our own, just that it's not what we want to do.

As long as you're going into this with your eyes wide open, with genuine personal enthusiasm, and not just being a "good wife" living his dream, then I don't believe you have anything to worry about (and you never said you were worried about it, just curious about the rest of us

).

Finally, just because you're doing this with a partner doesn't mean you aren't being courageous - in fact you are much braver than those more comfortable with taking risks!

Have fun!

Grams · RV-Dreams Family Member

Full-timing was my idea, but hubby jumped on board fairly quickly. When I asked hubby to show me how to do the "outside" jobs, he wanted to know why. When I told him that if something happened to him, I needed to know. He refused to discuss any further. Five months later, I know the basics. My thought is that I will get a smaller RV and hook up with solo clubs when I feel the need to travel "with" someone.

But then again, we never know what we will do until faced with the real decision.

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

As a much younger man, I yearned for the opportunity to travel in an RV and take pictures, and possibly even write articles for magazines. However, as I figured that we could NEVER afford to do that, I never mentioned it to Jo. Then one day when driving home from work, she suggested that we stop at the RV show that was going on at the time. I figured she might want to trade up from our 26-footer to "maybe" a 30-footer. To my surprise, she started looking at 36-foot and above. When I asked her what her thoughts were, she suggested we sell everything and buy an RV to live and travel in when we retired. Naturally, I jumped on the idea.

Now, to go back to Kelly's comments, each of us as an individual are a part of a couple in "paired" living. While we may have our own individual duties that our partners don't do, we would all probably have the ability to learn the other things (in my case, cooking) so as to continue any given lifestyle. Jo has already told me that if anything happens to me, she will likely sell the rig and settle down near family. In my case, I would sell the extra truck and probably continue on, provided my health was still good.

As for the fear factor, I think this lifestyle would "temper" one to become more independent and then find ourselves to find the courage to continue, especially if we really wanted to do that.

Terry

WestWardHo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Very interesting topic with a lot of great thoughtful replies. I've always had a strong sense go wanderlust but I don't know what I'd do. Jesse and I will only have been married two years next month and I was independent and single for a lot of years before we met. It amazes me how much I depend on him for all kinds of things and it's hard to imagine what I'd do without him now. It's as if we had been together much longer.

He introduced me to this lifestyle but I'd long been curious about it. Before we went full time, we lived in an active Dell Webb that was not age restrictive which we appreciated. We really enjoyed it but I don't think I could go back, as now, living in the same place full time feels too restrictive to me. Our kids are all over the country and most in Northern climates and I'm just not the type to insert myself into their lives for more than regular visits.

We're both 70 and today pretty active but we've both noticed some restrictions as we get older. I do think if something happened to either one of us, the other would continue but in a much smaller rig.

As many of you said, we'll find out when the time comes. As Diane Joyce pointed out to several Dreamer ladies when we got together with our hubbies a couple of months ago - we ladies need to learn how to drive our rigs and do all the set ups as we never know when our DH's could get sick or pass as her father did.

Sherry

kb0zke · RV-Dreams Family Member

Jo Ann and I have had some of this conversation. At this point I would continue, but she wouldn't. Part of her reluctance is that she still hasn't driven the coach yet, although she has been in the driver's seat with the engine running and has pushed some buttons at my direction. I'm guessing that once she actually drives the coach she may change her mind. Of course, she may also settle down near family, sell this coach and buy something smaller that she could use for some longer trips.

As Terry says, we are part of a pair, and each of us ought to learn what the other half does. The previous owners of our coach weren't full-timers, but did travel extensively. On one of their trips the husband ended up in the hospital for a time. The doctor said that he shouldn't drive for a while, and indeed ought to rest as much as possible, so the wife drove home. She enjoyed it, and he enjoyed the ride, so from then on she drove and he navigated. He still did some of the maintenance, but they sold the coach when neither of them was able to really maintain it or use it.

Talensnana · RV-Dreams Family Member

I have thought about this also. I love RVing, but more than that I love being with my husband. To me it is about the journey with him. If something happened to him, I would not continue RVing. It has nothing to do with courage, but desire. I would move near my grandbabies and kids. I would want family near me if I lost the love of my life.

Although I know I could emotionally do anything I put my mind to, but I no longer could do it physically as I have health conditions.

I applaud those who continue RVing, but that would not be my choice.

earthmommy · RV-Dreams Family Member

This is an interesting question, and for me the answer has evolved over time. Back in 2007, when I was first bitten by the RV bug, I could only contemplate full-timing with my hubby and kids. Over the years circumstances have cause me to change my perspective on that, and I now plan to solo in a Class B, or possibly with my younger girls when they're older, in a class C.

At first the idea of going solo wasn't something I would consider, but over time I've gained a lot of knowledge and I'm now confident that I could really enjoy the solo lifestyle.

Jake62 · RV-Dreams Family Member

I think Patti pretty much sums up my feelings: "I love RVing, but more than that I love being with my husband. To me it is about the journey with him."

We both love to travel and much of that is we love to travel together. We have discussed full-timing for several years, over hundreds of conversations and assurances from each other on pursuing this life-style. I'm fairly certain my wife or I would travel if the other one died; however, the big question is whether it would be in an RV full-time vs. limited travel. I know she would not want to drive a DP, the type of RV we plan on purchasing late next year. So, if she went first, I may travel awhile single in the DP while trying to figure the next stage in my life. If I went first, I believe she would sell the DP and head back to her farm, living happily ever-after., traveling occasionally in a Class B or simply traveling occasionally with no RV at all.

If I eventually met someone else who didn't want to full-time or RV, despite my desires, I probably wouldn't insist on RVing, since based on our past experiences in RVing, both have to be on-board with this lifestyle.

jrzygrl64 · RV-Dreams Family Member

I totally agree with Patti also, I LOVE to travel and RV, but it is largely due to wanting to spend the time with HIM - perfectly said! We do love all sorts of travel, RV'ing, get on a plane and go, drive to a locale and get a room, sailing on a sailboat, even a newer found love of cruising! The common denominator is being with HIM!

Don't think that love of travel would go away if (God forbid) something happens to Bill, but it would change the dynamic of that for sure.

-- Edited by jrzygrl64 on Wednesday 26th of February 2014 06:51:43 AM

manycats · RV-Dreams Family Member

I have been thinking about this since my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. We are not full-timing yet but we did in the past so we're very familiar with what it entails. Today we received the good news that the cancer was totally removed and got the "all clear" so we won't have to worry any more. However, since life offers no guarantees, we will still continue to look at the alternatives.

We know neither one of us would need (or be able to maintain) our S&B house and would need lower cost housing. We have no children or relatives to rely on and no one we have to see or keep in touch with, therefore it would be single living. We both love to travel, adapt easily to any mode or place and are extremely self-reliant. Therefore, as long as we're physically able, we'll be in an RV.

Personally, since I'm a 75 yr old female, if I were alone I would probably have to switch from our 5er to a motorhome, a Class A, B, or C. Otherwise, I don't think I'll be able to handle hitchups (unless I find some kind gentleman at each stop who'll be able to pull all the levers and work the jacks for me) because I'm not as strong as I used to be. If my eyesight gets worse I would not be doing much driving either. That still does not preclude the idea of traveling as long as I can and then settling ln a nice park somewhere.

We have no choice as to how long we're going to live but we can choose how we want to live. Both my DH and would choose to full-time as long as we can.

RVKevi · RV-Dreams Family Member

Good thread. I'm pretty sure I would continue full-timing, and that I would keep the rig and truck we have now. I've only hitched it up myself once, but I always watch and do the checklist while Kev hitches or unhitches and I'm confident I could do it. Probably my first stop would be an RV driving school :D but I'm pretty sure I could learn to maneuver it. I love our sons and grandkids, but I don't feel a need to live near them. Visits are enough. And if I did settle in one place, it would have to be a really warm climate. I HATE cold weather!!

For me, I think, part of the reason I would continue lies in my past. Growing up, during the 12 years of school, I went to school in 4 different school districts in 3 different states. The longest I've lived in one place in my life was the 14 1/2 years in the house we sold before going on the road. And I never really put down roots there, either. So there isn't anyplace I want to settle down, and in fact, I don't want to settle in one place at all. I love moving to a new place every so often. I seem to have a lot of gypsy in my makeup.

I think if something happened to me, Kev would continue too.

kathy395 · RV-Dreams Community Member

This is a topic of concern that I have been discussing with my husband. We are still in the planning stage and hope to have our house ready to sale before the end of the year. We have F/T a few years ago in a 5er. I personally feel that we need a plan for the future. And, I think he would be fine without one. I am in my late 50's and not employed. Having a plan would make me feel a little bit more at ease. Reading this thread has been interesting. Thank you.

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

jrzygrl64 wrote:
... we started dating at 15 years old and we were friends before that.
Kelly

Lee and I met when we were 14 and 16 :) Met at our first job.

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

jrzygrl64 wrote:
Trace,

I am curious though, what do you think your husband would do? I have no idea what Bill would do, I asked him once, and he hates that kind of talk and he said "how am I supposed to know?" I am curious what others (men and women) have to say.

Kelly

Lee would absolutely do it. I am well insured so he'd have starter money and even if he didn't he would go...no question. He is going to "step out of line" come hell or high water :)

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

Terrific replies everyone thank you. For now it's definitely about the journey with him, but I agree that as I become more confident I might want to continue. Then again I might want to be near the grand kids or work internationally...which is always been a dream of mine. In any case, I do want to be able to do everything he does so I am prepared. Thanks all!!

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

Trace wrote:
Terrific replies everyone thank you. For now it's definitely about the journey with him, but I agree that as I become more confident I might want to continue. Then again I might want to be near the grand kids or work internationally...which is always been a dream of mine. In any case, I do want to be able to do everything he does so I am prepared. Thanks all!!

Interesting that working internationally trumps being near the grandkids. I understand. Some good friends are working in Taiwan and love it. Skype is their friend.

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

Not sure which would trump to be honest....I'll know better when the grandbaby actually comes. I've always said when planning my life "and they all may go out the window when I have a grandchild." Lee doesn't feel that way, but I leave myself open for the possibility of a major shift in priorities.