What would you do!!!!..........opinions only Think on it!! - RV-Dreams Community Forum

Lucky Mike · RV-Dreams Family Member

What would you do!!!!..........opinions only Think on it!!

Alie and Jims Carrilite · RV-Dreams Family Member

I think it would depend on several factors..
Do you have an exit plan in writing- Hospice or no hospice- etc
How much money do you have to spend?
How big a family and how informed are they?

It is a very wide ranging question. My wife Alie was a hospice nurse for 10 years. Never heard of a patient saying they wish they had more money, more work or less friends. But I heard many saying they wish they had more time to go see all the things they thought about and spend more time with family.

TRAILERKING · RV-Dreams Family Member

Lucky Mike wrote:
Your on the road and its your time......your doctors say they have come to the end of options , your bucket list isnt finished and your timeline is not defined.....you know its only going to get worse as you go!
Do you give up head for home and family
do you pick one of your favorite spots and head for it
do you keep going until that time comes knowing each day has that adventure still waiting for you.

This is for a thought process......Please opinions only

Live, Breathe ,Relax........................

That's a scary and depressing question...........................But I like option #3

Technomadia · RV-Dreams Family Member

Oh gosh.. what a poignant question. Especially as I was just reviewing my e-mail exchanges with my father when he received that news from his doctor this time last year (first time I've brought myself to re-read them). We discussed all the possibilities with him, and how we'd as a family join him on some of his bucket list items before his time.

Sadly, his remaining time was far less than predicted... 6 months slipped to just 2 way too quick months. So little he was able to actually do. But the dreaming was fun, and kept hope and optimism.

I'd say - make the best of it. Do what your heart calls you to do.

In my fathers words 'Always positive.. don't have a pity party for me'.

My heart aches for all facing such news,
- Cherie

PIEERE · RV-Dreams Family Member

Decisions; Decisions and very important ones!!!! I have to point to myself only as I believe you know what to do! For me so far as my thoughts go; I acquired this from Tim Mcgraw's song; "Live like you were dying"! This can have many meanings for different people; for me it means to do the things I've always wanted and dreamed of doing; legal of course! I asked my Cardio last November after I went to the ER how long do you estimate I have; he said I have no idea! Well I guess it's up to my creator on how long I have.
It probably won't do any harm to go see family and friends; but you don't have to tell them anything and you will know you took care of a thought. I'm going to see my daughter and the grands this coming early summer in Michigan.

Defining keep going Did you mean like living as you are?? Or traveling and changing the scenery?? I was just thinking of that as I posted on FB to some old school friends that I havn't seen in 40+ yrs. I don't like cold and inclement weather; I posted that if i can get some help to get this motor home back in road worthy condition would like to go a bit further South; maybe the Gulkf are of Florida; Alabama; Miss. by next winter.

So Mike; I probably didn't help much on your decision; but I have to leave it up to you; Brother! Pieere

-- Edited by PIEERE on Tuesday 21st of January 2014 02:07:50 PM

-- Edited by PIEERE on Tuesday 21st of January 2014 02:08:40 PM

Russ Ranger · RV-Dreams Family Member

I sort of got to live this scenario this last year. For years we had been planning our RV/Mexico retirement. Plans were moving along great. The house sold. The stuff was mostly gone. We were ready to go.

Two months before the big date I found myself laying in the hospital with my chest split open having open heart surgery. This was not in my big plan.

My wife and I had some pretty deep discussions over the next few weeks. Would we put retirement on hold? What about medical insurance, the million dollar question? The review of what this meant to our kids, grandkids and family?

Another slight twist: Terri is in remission from a non curable cancer - Non Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Mike, you have asked the question. Here is our opinion, maybe more than an opinion because we are living it.

Thank God my wife is a "Go For It" person. We decided that there are no "do overs" in life. We made the leap of faith and are following our dream.

Life is good.

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

They call it a medical practice for a reason. Doctors do not know everything and can be wrong.

For me, I hope I would keep going. It is how I have been happiest.

Jake62 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Very thought provoking Mike ...

This question is going to be answered, I believe, based on your "worldview." To be succinct, a true-story I heard about a famed theologian went like this:

"One day a man approached a theologian and asked the theologian what he would do different if he knew the world would end this Thursday (in the theologian's worldview - God's son would return). The theologian turned the page of his calendar to the upcoming Thursday, and noted lunch for two was scheduled with a friend. The theologian pointed to the calendar, and advised the man he intended on keeping his appointment for lunch with his friend."

The moral of this story, regardless of your religious or non-religious background, if you believe this is what you're called to do, your "purpose in life" at this time in your life, then I would select: "Keep going until that time comes knowing each day has that adventure still waiting for you."

BiggarView · RV-Dreams Family Member

Mike, certainly a question worthy of thought. Sinatra's "My way" came to my mind first. I do not know if I would suddenly change anything in my life. I'd still get up each day and do the things I do everyday. I'd keep doing them. I'd probably be conscious of the joys those things brought me. There would be new things to ponder, update the will, and so forth but other than that, what's my schedule? Don't have one. Keep working the "jello" plan. Then one day, I would not work the plan, not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't. Family is important and as one moves toward the final round-up their wishes and needs would have to be addressed as some form of compromise. Life is full of compromises and the end time is no different. I would certainly try to include all three of your options in some part because they are part on the plan.

In my opinion the third choice is closest to what I would strive for. FWIW

Cindi · RV-Dreams Family Member

Mike

I have my exit plan in place as I am starting full time solo later this year.

As long as I am physically able, I will keep going and experiencing the adventures.

When I am no longer able to care for myself, or not physically able to travel, then the decision will be to return to be near family. My family needs to be able to say goodbye and I don't want to deprive them of that.

So choice three for as long as possible and ultimately choice one.

Cindy T · RV-Dreams Family Member

That's a very tough question. But I think I would visit family & very close friends first. If my health went downhill very quickly, I wouldn't want to have missed seeing those folks who are most important. Once I had accomplished that, if I'm still doing ok, I'd head out to the destination that I most want to visit & keep going to other places as long as I could.

manycats · RV-Dreams Family Member

We are facing the same options, time stops for no man. I accept the fact that age is taking a toll on my body but my mind still feels young. Therefore I still plan to enjoy my future as if it were going to go on forever. Whatever makes you happiest is the right thing, YOU are the important one and your heart will lead the way.

hawhawmomma · RV-Dreams Community Member

Oh, I have thought about this way to often. When I went through my first bout of cancer I swore I would NEVER deal with that pain again. It was over 2 years of the most incredibly intense pain (chemo, radiation & over fifty surgeries)....but slowly I came back. Then this past summer I went through my second bout of cancer and the pain was no worse than having surgery.

I any not afraid of dying, I am afraid of living in severe pain. I, personally, would do all that I want to do, see my daughter before the pain is too bad, and go to a special place to pass. My paperwork is in order. My mind is at peace.

But in the meantime, I plan to live, enjoy, smile, laugh and help as many as I can until God lets me know it is time to come home.

TRAILERKING · RV-Dreams Family Member

Some "Well Said" stuff right here!

Barbaraok · RV-Dreams Family Member

We have tried to see family and friends on a routine basis because you never know when THEY or you will die.

Barb

azrving · RV-Dreams Family Member

Lucky Mike wrote:
Your on the road and its your time......your doctors say they have come to the end of options , your bucket list isnt finished and your timeline is not defined.....you know its only going to get worse as you go!
Do you give up head for home and family
do you pick one of your favorite spots and head for it
do you keep going until that time comes knowing each day has that adventure still waiting for you.

This is for a thought process......Please opinions only

Live, Breathe ,Relax........................

First I would get a second opinion! biggrin Like Bjoyce said "They call it a medical practice for a reason. Doctors do not know everything and can be wrong."

Do you give up head for home and family? No, my family hasn't had anything to do with us since we moved 8 years ago....so no need to visit.

Do you pick one of your favorite spots and head for it? Haven't explored enough to have a favorite spot!

Do you keep going until that time comes knowing each day has that adventure still waiting for you? I like this plan best.

Interesting post Mike, downright depressing but interesting, until you posted this I really hadn't given it much thought.

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

Lucky Mike wrote:
Your on the road and its your time......your doctors say they have come to the end of options , your bucket list isnt finished and your timeline is not defined.....you know its only going to get worse as you go!
Do you give up head for home and family
do you pick one of your favorite spots and head for it
do you keep going until that time comes knowing each day has that adventure still waiting for you.

That's a great question. I'd like to think I would make it about family at the end. Try to give the girls as much time as they needed before I go, but honestly I am not sure. The temptation to just hole up somewhere with Lee and a gorgeous view would be very attractive.

TRAILERKING · RV-Dreams Family Member

azrving wrote:

First I would get a second opinion! Like Bjoyce said "They call it a medical practice for a reason. Doctors do not know everything and can be wrong."
Do you give up head for home and family? No, my family hasn't had anything to do with us since we moved 8 years ago....so no need to visit.
Do you pick one of your favorite spots and head for it? Haven't explored enough to have a favorite spot!

Do you keep going until that time comes knowing each day has that adventure still waiting for you? I like this plan best.
Interesting post Mike, downright depressing but interesting, until you posted this I really hadn't given it much thought.

That's a true reality for some....................Me too.

French Bikers · RV-Dreams Family Member

Do your best and the heck with the rest, life is a journey not a destination beside the last trip you do on earth you do it alone, therefore keep doing what you like the most. We are the first person that will make us happy.

flyone · RV-Dreams Family Member

Mike, what a thought provoking question. In my opinion I think I first would travel for a bit, if for no other reason than to get my head straight and my mind around the prognosis. My life has been all about my family, I would have to have the right mind set at the time I went to spend the rest of the time with my family.

Flyone

jrzygrl64 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Mike,

I read this when you first posted, but wanted to think about it before replying. I have thought about this sometimes. As I am sure others here have, I have lost a lot of family members in my lifetime. Too many. Some way too young. Some after horrible suffering. One young man I never met died right in front of me while I held his hand. Life is short, most of us have no idea when our time will be up. I am not sure if having that kind of heads-up would be a blessing or a curse.

Having said that, I believe if I knew my time was about to be up, I would want to be with my family. I would want their support and love surrounding me. I realize not everyone has the kind of relationship with their family that I do, and going home would be difficult if they didn't, but while someone still has breath left in them, it is not too late to make amends, if needed. Also, I am assuming here I would be leaving my beloved hubby behind, I would want my family there for him.

If I knew I had enough time, I wouldn't mind the idea of crossing one last item off the bucket list.

I watched that movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman "The Bucket List". To be honest, it ticked me off. I found Morgan Freeman's character to be incredibly selfish. He took significant time away from his family. I understand his wanting to travel and see stuff, but to go with a stranger and leave his wife and kids home just felt wrong to me. Maybe I have overthought it, maybe I have missed something somewhere, but it ticked me off.

I feel like I am in the minority here, and I am ok with that. I understand we are all different and have different needs. At the end of the day, I guess whatever we each need to do to get through what life throws at us is what we need to do. No judgements, just my humble opinion.

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

Kelly: Some of the best stories of end of life are when family helps with the bucket list and goes on some of the trips. That combines two of the options Mike gave.

I think it all depends on how two way street the support and love is with family. Also how they react in such situations and how much they are able to provide the support. Can they take the time to help, or is it up to one or two who might resent the situation after a while? You don't know, I don't know. Unfortunately in many families, it requires a crisis to get true feelings and natures to come out. Not always in a good way.

It does remind me of an old colleague. When he was determined terminal he dumped his current wife and got back together with his first wife, who was the mother of his children. I liked the woman he dumped, but they were together to have company, not because they were madly in love. But it was still a complex and sometimes ugly situation.

People and their relationships can be quite complicated. I also think timeframes matter. Do you have weeks, months, years? If months or years, are you going to sit around in a small room and have everyone wait for you to die or get out and do something?

Penny and Paul · RV-Dreams Family Member

I'll take (actually, I took) what's behind door number 3 please.

Paul

WestWardHo · RV-Dreams Family Member

As have the others I did take time to think about this. It's a profoundly personal question with many thoughtful replies.

Assuming you've already taken care of business (wills, trusts, etc.) and I hope we all have, then we explore what's in our own hearts and go OUR forward, taking one day at a time. For some of us that's wrapping ourselves in the warm envelope of a loving family or the family of friends we've created.

But as Bill Joyce and others have suggested we don't quit, Mike. We live each day with the heightened awareness of the beauty around us and the gratitude of breathing and feeling joy on this day. To taste, touch, smell, feel the sun on our face, listen to beautiful music or lapping water, watch snow fall, walk in crunch leaves. We become even more authentic, we reach out to loved ones (friends or family) and let them in. Today I AM love, today I live, today I laugh.

I don't know many who have been able to check off all the items on their bucket list but maybe that isn't even important anymore when we're facing what you describe. Maybe it's don't sweat the small stuff because it's all small stuff and we just live in love and gratitude until we can't.

Sherry

Talensnana · RV-Dreams Family Member

Personally I would go back to my family. I took care of my parents for 6 years while they courageously faced illnesses they would not recover from. The memories I have help me through everyday. Although it was the hardest thing I have ever done, next to raising amazing kids, I consider it the greatest thing I have done. I also have a very close family, and we are all very active in each other's lives. I remember thinking after my mom passed two days after my dad, that I did not regret any sacrifice I may have made to take care of them, I was the one blessed by the experience. I would never deprive my children of the same kind of memories.

As I said we have a very close family. If I did not have that, then I would just keep traveling as long as it was safe.

suse1023 · RV-Dreams Family Member

very thought provoking mike.

dh and I both have incurable cancers, we're both in remission and feeling good so are cramming as much life into our lives as possible right now.
we were incredibly lucky that our farm sold so quickly, allowing us to be foot loose and fancy free in our fiver .

I assume that when the docs tell us to get our affairs in order we will head to family in order to give them the chance to say goodbye.

but in the meantime we still have our five year plan and we're working it!

Lonney Wade · RV-Dreams Family Member

Susan my heart goes out to you, but there could be good news, just maybe.
There is a drink I have found called Gorilla milk, I have made it with my new juicer 2 times so far, I'm doing this for my high blood pressure and it's working so far.
It raises your Alkaline level (just above 7.4) which means higher levels of oxygen in the blood, cancer can not live in high levels of oxygen, the body will heal itself.
It is very good tasting, here is what is in it.
Here is a link, I have watch this maybe 4 times or more on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msUZuW22zRg

(Almond coconut milk)
1 cup of almonds
1 cup of coconut meat
dash of salt
dash or more of cinnamon
1 quart coconut water
you mix this together with a blender and put it aside

(Then you make the green drink)
1 bunch of black kale
1 bunch of parsley
1 bunch of cilantro
1 bunch of celery
1 cucumber
1 apple
I also put 1 lemon (my choice)
You run this through with a juicer
You mix both the Almond coconut milk and the green drink together and enjoy.
Boy did I get some energy from this drink.

Lonney

waltben · RV-Dreams Family Member

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer last September, but also told that the genome test ranked mine at a 7 out of 9 for severity and aggressiveness. The best readout I got of that was 3 to 5 years to live without treatment. I was truly blessed that the diagnoses was early and that robotic surgery got everything out (so far - still have to undergo periodic testing).

Anyway, to address your situation, IMHO:

If you've been really close to anyone you should figure out how to let them know what your preferences are and what you want to do. I believe they'll go along with it.

If you're only a little close (distant kids, relatives, etc.) - my thoughts were such that I didn't let anyone know about my surgery until the day before and just posted stuff on facebook afterwards. They weren't that interested in keeping up with me before so why change anything.

For anyone else, it's YOUR life and YOUR death. LOML (second wife) has always wanted to travel. We're planning on selling the house next year at this time and becoming homeless (save for our monster Montana). I'm not planning on telling anyone where we'll be or when unless they ask for a good reason - the internet can be a wonderful way to keep people at arms length!. Most of those that I'd put in the second category above won't even know we've left because I'll still be on email and facebook.

Barbaraok · RV-Dreams Family Member

You'll be houseless, not homeless.

Barb

Gary · RV-Dreams Family Member

Live each day like it is your last. No regrets. If you feel like doing something, go do it. If you want to see something, go see it. If you want to experience something, do so.

The next morning, since you have another, repeat the process.

No regrets, no apologies.

TRAILERKING · RV-Dreams Family Member

Gary wrote:
Live each day like it is your last. No regrets. If you feel like doing something, go do it. If you want to see something, go see it. If you want to experience something, do so.

The next morning, since you have another, repeat the process.

No regrets, no apologies.

Should plaster that saying across the back of the coach.

Well said Gary.......Well said.

CJSX2fromCT · RV-Dreams Family Member

Very interesting... My father always said "When the man upstairs turn the page and your number comes up...you go, doesn't matter where you are,who your with or what you are doing....you go" My favorite " Take each day as a gift, For that is truly what it is."
I read a book called "Embraced by the light" (short read) Very interesting book. Things happen for a reason in our lives as we travel this journey we call life, I am not a fan of coincidences. I am a true believer in that there is a "here after"
With that being said, I would go with options 2 & 3 "Do you give up head for home and family?" Of my 6 siblings 2 other bros. 2 older sisters and 2 younger sisters. I only stay in touch with my oldest bro. and sis. "Do you pick one of your favorite spots and head for it?" Love the outdoors and can find peace and solitude anywhere out there, just open your eyes and look at what is there for the taking. "Do you keep going until that time comes knowing each day has that adventure still waiting for you?" I have found myself from time to time out of no where just saying "Today would be a good day to die" My number wasn't called, I am still here. I keep moving forward.
Mike only you can pick the option you want, it is your journey in life. Go with what your heart says and feels, Don't "assume" anything, 100% of the time if I "assume" something....It turns out to be wrong.
Safe travels and enjoy your journey...........

HighwayRanger · RV-Dreams Family Member

Obviously there are many variables to the possible scenario we could be faced with. If I was diagnosed with something serious, I would certainly do the things I needed to do to ensure that my DW was set up to go on without me, and so I would be close to family at the last hour. I know she would want to come off the road if I was gone, and she'd want to ditch the RV. I would try to continue the travel for as long as we could, but would be prepared to help her get on with life.

If it was the DW, I would also make sure she was near family at that time, but I'd continue with the fulltime RV lifestyle.

Interesting question!

Roy

WestWardHo · RV-Dreams Family Member

It's so interesting the Lucky Mike started this thread on January 21st which is the day my wonderful husband, Jesse, got his diagnosis. Some of you might remember I had posted back in January that we were handed a Big Detour Sign. This is it. We are dealing with exactly the questions Mike raised.

Jesse, being 70, and only hospitalized one day in his life (isolated for a measles rash with no other symptoms way back when he was in basic training) was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's Disease. Like he told the doctor, "he's never been old before" so he didn't realize the weakness in the fingers of his left hand only was anything to be concerned about until he went to play poker with the guys at the RV park and he couldn't shuffle the cards. He had hand strength, no numbness or finger trembling but fine motor control in his fingers was going. We were in California at the time so I researched highly rated neurologists in the area but all we're booked thru the end of February. Since we were headed back to our former home area in Cottonwood we booked an appointment there. The doc was wonderful and after a thorough exam he gently gave us the news and referred us to a top ALS specialist in San Diego. Saw him in February for a second consultation and he, of course, confirmed the diagnosis.

In the interim, since ALS is often rapidly progressing we bought the Class C Jamboree that I wrote about thinking that it would be easier for us to travel in and for me to handle alone if it became necessary. It was an awesome rig but I missed our much loved Trilogy home. Turned out great for Jesse's sister because she came to visit and try it out and bought it and drove it back to Colorado which we had just bought it from and taken back to CA. 😄

So, on to Plan B, I enrolled in RVDrivingSchool.com and received wonderful lessons and training on driving our truck and pulling our big Trilogy.

Then we went back to our former hometown for dentist, taxes, vet, etc. and on of our good friends told us that our single level home that we had just closed on from our sale last August was back on the market for sale by owner because of a death in the family. So over we went. It turns out the very lovely new owner's name is the same as my married name and her husband had been misdiagnosed with ALS 10 years prior. We have the right of first refusal and are now in the process of getting loan, etc. to buy it back.

We left our Subaru in my son's spare garage in the Tucson area a few days ago and are continuing to go East to the Rally stopping to see sights and relatives and friends along the way. Then we're heading North to see Jesse's son & his family near Boston and his daughter and her family in NH, then friends in Maine and eventually back west, all depending. This is how we choose to spend our time as long as we can continue to do so. But I quickly found I do need to know that I had a safe, easily manageable home that's wheelchair accessible with nearby friends and good doctors & hospital for when we need it. Our families are scattered all over and most in snow (Jesse's 4-letter word) country so we ruled that out.

Jesse gave his blessings for this post to our family on this forum. We've told a few special people about it and they have been incredibly supportive. One even volunteered to drive our whole rig back to AZ if I needed to fly Jesse home! I'm a communicator (in case you hadn't noticed 😳) and we have no secrets and don't feel this is anything to hide or pity. Jesse's feeling is he's had an incredible life and so many experiences and joy there's no reason to be upset. Many are diagnosed in their 30's or 40's and he was fortunate to make it to almost 71. He said when it progresses so far that he can't move around on his own I can just grease him up and slide him around. 😄 We have other laughs about this stupid, not-understood-by-doctors-disease with no known cure. Trust me I've done the research! 😜

Three weeks ago at the Multidisciplinary Clinic (pulmonologist; nutritionist; speech, occupational, & physical therapists; an ALS Organization representative, a VA representative - all of which we'll eventually need) to establish a baseline for future needs they told him he's in incredible shape and to go and enjoy your life and to come back in 3 months. We told them we'd be back in 6. Just three weeks later his right hand fingers are getting weaker and he's stumbling on occasion. Some PALS (people with ALS) plateau and we're hoping for that.

So why am I sharing all this?

Because Jesse's volunteered all his adult life and helping others is important to him. Maybe someone on here is experiencing the same weakness or knows someone who is.

Because those of you who are sitting on the fence about living your dreams might want to rethink that.

It turns out the in incidence of ALS is 50% higher in Vets than in the general population so the VA fast-tracks incredible support for PALS and you might know someone who needs that help.

Because we're going to continue this lifestyle as long as we can and still enjoy every single day now and down the line.

Because we'll be meeting some of you at the Rally and we plan to learn, laugh, share and enjoy you all.

Because others on here are dealing with your own health issues publicly or privately and we support you all.

Because good insurance is SO important.

Because we both had sone denial about how rapidly this could progress we're flexing, adapting and changing and managing our expectations on the fly. Important, often said, attributes for full-timers.

Because at some point down the road you might want to stop and see us and share a glass of wine or a beer in Cottonwood but in the meantime, let's do it now and poke fun at each other. (Wait till you see me try to park!)

Sherry & Jesse

DebbieM · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sherry & Jesse, you've got a great outlook on this. For you and others who are going through difficult times, we wish you courage, strength and many more happy days. We will continue as newbies to learn so much from you all. We look forward to sharing that glass of wine with you at the rally! Thank you for sharing.

tigercx1 · RV-Dreams Family Member

I am about to turn 53 wife is 52 and plan on working about 9 more years and have wondered what if some illness happened to my wife or me and we missed out on a lot of the traveling we want to do. Since we can't financially retire just yet, we take a lot of weekend camping trips and 2 week annual trip.

Sure there are those that say do it now but what if we live into our nineties and haven't prepared financially. Wanderlust gets trumped by practicality in our case.

Mark

azrving · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sherry & Jesse, thank you for sharing your Big Detour with the RV Dreams community. I agree with DebbieM, you both have a great outlook and I'm glad your not going to let this detour keep you from your dreams.

We are just one mountain range away from your home in Cottonwood so don't hesitate to contact us if you need anything. wink Hope y'all have a blast at the rally!

suse1023 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sherry you write so well, I have tears in my eyes for you and your hubby. Tears of joy that you are moving ahead with such grace and dignity and tears for the unknown still ahead.
That said, GO FOR IT! I raise my glass to your courage.
and as my equestrian friends say, I will be jingling for you both.
(a ref to the jingle jangle of our tack as we trot through life).

WestWardHo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Mark,

I totally understand your needing to plan and prepare for your retirement. Hopefully your weekend and other trips will get you thru until then.

Thanks you others for your wonderful encouragement. Loved the Jingling!

Sherry