How can we both be happy? - RV-Dreams Community Forum

SnowGypsy · RV-Dreams Family Member

How can we both be happy?

miller · RV-Dreams Community Member

Hello everyone! First a little background... Hubby and I are 60+, have been happily married for 40 years, and are blessed with good health. smile

We bought our first travel trailer in 2003 (Trail Lite hybrid with canvas tents on each end). During that time, We took it on 5 or 6 vacations, but for 4 years, we stayed in it 5 nights a month for business travel. Every month, something went wrong , ie, A/C, Heater, toilet, stove, etc. Hubby seemed to be fine with it, but I got sick of it. cry In 2012, we no longer needed it for business, so we sold it. Hallelujah! smile

In the next year or so, hubby wants to buy another newer used travel trailer and go sightseeing across the USA, staying in National and State parks, as well as private RV parks along the way. He wants to be on the road a month or so at a time. He enjoys hiking, playing golf and visiting with other travelers. He also loves to make campfires morning and night, and cook outdoors or in the RV kitchen. He's not interested in fishing or hunting, but he always has to have something to do or he goes stir-crazy. hmm

I, too, want to go sightseeing, enjoy hiking and campfires, and visiting with other travelers. But on vacation, I'd rather stay in a clean, comfortable, motel/hotel/cabin where everything works, and eat in local restaurants or cafes. No repairs to make, beds to make, food to cook, or kitchen to clean. I enjoy reading, massage, facials, pedicures, hot springs, movies, the internet, and shopping in used book stores and ladies consignment stores. smile

Last but not least, hubby has severe anxiety when driving on mountain roads, but this is where he wants to go. We've done this several times, and each time he grips the steering wheel with white knuckles and chatters nervously non-stop, saying things like, "OMG, I can't look down... Why aren't there any guard rails?... Look how far down it is... Why is that car right on my bumper?... Why are these people driving so fast... Look at that big 18 wheeler...", etc. I've offered to drive, but he insists that would just make it worse. I understand anxiety, but this makes me a nervous wreck and isn't something I look forward to. cry

We are on a limited income and want to keep our home. As you can see, we are in quite a pickle. What are your suggestions? confuse Thanks!

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Debby,

Welcome to the RV Dreams forums. Feel free to ask questions because the folks here are very knowledgeable, friendly, helpful, and encouraging. We all tend to learn from each other, so even new questions about old topics are still welcomed. There are no dumb questions except for those that aren't asked and thus one makes expensive mistakes.

One thing that will help with the "white knuckle" factor is to have a truck with a diesel engine and either an engine or exhaust brake or one with a transmission that has what is called a "tow/haul" feature that works similar to the exhaust or engine brakes. Mostly being sure that one's truck is "more than big enough" helps with limiting the fears because the larger trucks are better able to handle the trailer.

An individual who occasionally comes one here once spoke of his wife not liking their campers when they had them. Then, they had the opportunity to do some "missionary work" in the U.S. but needed to travel quite a bit. She decided that having her own bed, more of her own things, and having the freedom of staying out of hotels began to appeal to them. With a little time, she even began to suggest places for them to go camping. Your issues with your first RV might have been a case of it just being too small. Small and cheap RV's tend to provide a lot less in the way of amenities and have more things break down.

The folks here have experience with all kinds and sizes of RV's, so feel free to read as much as you can and ask lots of questions. You may both find that your concerns are alleviated.

Terry

SnowGypsy · RV-Dreams Family Member

I think maybe you could both be happy with the travel with some "give and take". My first thought was that being on a "limited income" could you afford to travel in the style that you would like? Another thought is whether or not your husband might get a rush out of driving in the mountains, sort of like being on a roller coaster? Have you discussed with him how alarmed you are by his behavior on the mountain roads? With some diligent research, you can find a used trailer that won't have constant issues and be more comfortable than the one that you had since I am familiar with that manufacturer and unit. This time, when we go on the road, no more trying to live like we did in a house with the cooking because I plan to go very simple with the meals which includes being healthy and easy to clean up after. With making the beds, you could go along the lines of sleeping bags, you can get some fancy looking set-ups or go plain old sleeping bags. I like to do this in our pop-up, put a nice sheet on top of the mattress and roll up the sleeping bags during the day into a loose roll. You can get double, single, etc. sizes. If finances allow, you could use the money you save by camping for eating out sometimes and enjoying some necessary pampering. The only other compromise might be to use the camper to some destinations and do other accommodations at others. Hope you find something that works for you both.

miller · RV-Dreams Community Member

Dear Terry and Jo,

Thank you for the reply and suggestions. The problem with mountain roads happens no matter what he or anyone else is driving, with or without a trailer behind. We have a 2004 Ford Diesel 2 wheel drive with tow-haul and a special trailer brake with a digital readout. We have a camper shell that we want to keep, so no fifth-wheel for us.

I hadn't thought about the fact that a nicer model might not have as many problems. We can't afford a motor home or anything high end, but would like something reliable.

Would love to hear suggestions on brands/models/features we should look for in a newer model, used bumper pull travel trailer, no more than 30' long.

Thanks again!

miller · RV-Dreams Community Member

Dear Snow Gypsy,

Thanks for the reply and suggestions.

Hubby definitely doesn't get a rush out of mountain roads. He hates any ride that goes up in the air, including roller coasters, and hasn't been on one in years. I have told him how nervous I get with his anxiety on mountain roads, but he says he can't help it. I know he can't help it, but therein lies the problem. He wants me to go with him anyway.

I really don't know what we'll be able to afford once we "really" retire, but I might prefer taking shorter, nicer trips than going the camping route. Hubby has suggested that we do some camping and some of "my kind" of travel, but my worry is that there won't be enough money for both.

What do you enjoy about camping? What kind of travel unit are you using now? What have you had before? Do you sleep inside the sleeping bag? How would this work on a Queen sized mattress if there's only one bed? What are some healthy, easy clean up meals you eat when camping? What kinds of activities do you enjoy? Are you on the road for long stretches of time? Do you still own a primary residence?

Thanks again. I'm taking all advice to heart, because I know he wants this so badly...

Dance Chick · RV-Dreams Family Member

Debby,

Welcome to the forum.

My only comment has been sort of discussed, but would it be possible to go on an extended trip in your TT and then stay in a hotel/motel every now and then? Like you, I love to stay in hotels, but I also love staying and traveling in a RV of some kind. It wouldn't hurt my feelings one bit to have to stay at a hotel/motel. smile I've thought on more than one occasion that I could live in one...not the Roach Motel mind you, but a decent one. Don't eat out so you can save money for the motel room. Once you're at the motel, treat yourself to meals out then. Anyway, surely there is some kind of compromise that would satisfy you both.

Sorry, I can't comment on the driving issue. I'm sure some of the experienced drivers here will be able to help.

Hope it works out for you and you're able to find a good, used trailer with no problems.

Gayle

miller · RV-Dreams Community Member

Hi Gayle and thanks for the reply.

What do you enjoy about camping/RVing? What kind of travel unit are you using now? What have you had before? What kind and size mattress? What are some healthy, easy clean up meals you eat when camping? What kinds of activities do you enjoy? Are you on the road for long stretches of time? Do you still own a primary residence?

Thanks in advance for anymore suggestions!

Dance Chick · RV-Dreams Family Member

miller wrote:
Hi Gayle and thanks for the reply.

What do you enjoy about camping/RVing? What kind of travel unit are you using now? What have you had before? What kind and size mattress? What are some healthy, easy clean up meals you eat when camping? What kinds of activities do you enjoy? Are you on the road for long stretches of time? Do you still own a primary residence?

Thanks in advance for anymore suggestions!

Well, we just like the look and feel of campgrounds and RVs. We aren't really outdoorsy per se (especially me), we just like being in different places and seeing new landscape and new towns. We have a 38' DP, but have had a tent, pop up, VW van, TT, truck slide in, and another smaller gas MH when our kids were younger. We're semi-retired now with an adorable 3-yr. old grandson. We have a queen pillow top mattress. It was in the MH when we bought it, but it's not a typical MH mattress. The previous owner upgraded to a nicer mattress. It's really comfy, but I'd love to have a king....some day. We eat very simply...a piece of meat and a vegetable or a salad. DH does the cooking. I just eat whatever he puts in front of me. biggrin I'll gladly do clean up to not cook. smile As to activities - we walk our dog or ride our bikes. We really like to visit the surrounding towns and see the various areas. We'll visit some historical places, but we aren't sightseers from dawn to dusk. We just like to get the flavor of a place and then relax at the CG. We still own our S&B in central FL and take a 8 to 9 week trip in the summer. We plan to take some 4 or 5 week trips later with spring being pretty much home bound due to some things I'm involved in.

I hope as time goes on you'll be able to get a feel for how this will work for you. It really can be a work in progress. Once you decide to get your TT and go on the road, your plans can evolve and change as you figure out what you like or dislike. As someone else has said on these forums, your plans can be set in jello, so be flexible.

Racerguy · RV-Dreams Family Member

Sit down,have an honest conversation about the whole thing and remember the word compromise goes both ways.

The Bear II · RV-Dreams Family Member

Terry and Jo wrote:
One thing that will help with the "white knuckle" factor is to have a truck with a diesel engine and either an engine or exhaust brake or one with a transmission that has what is called a "tow/haul" feature that works similar to the exhaust or engine brakes. Mostly being sure that one's truck is "more than big enough" helps with limiting the fears because the larger trucks are better able to handle the trailer.

I agree with Terry the right tow vehicle properly equipped will help do away with the white knuckle grip.

Most new RVs will require a few repairs at first (little things the factory missed) but then you'll have many years of no repairs needed. Eventually as the RV gets older and more miles things will begin to fail but with good preventative maintenance those can be kept to a minimum. So buy new or 1-2 year old and keep up the maintenance.

A larger RV with hard sides is a much different experience than a soft sided fold out trailer. Less work to setup and tear down. Now the trailers have lots of automatic features to help like levelers, awnings, slideouts...etc.

An alternative would be to do a combination of trip styles... one trip in the RV, the next trip stay in motels. But I think you'll find with a hard sied RV properly equipped you'll soon begin to hate to stay in motels. I couldn't imagine going across country and staying in motels. I like having my own bed and ability to cook meals plus no bed bugs to worry about.

-- Edited by The Bear II on Friday 6th of September 2013 09:13:41 AM

scrappy · RV-Dreams Family Member

Most KOA's have Kabins, you would be in a campground and be able to have campfires, and get the camping experience without buying something to pull. Way more comfortable than a tent, and would give you the opportunity to stick your toes in the campground life waters. But, that would get pricey after a while.

What about one of those little teardrop campers that are mostly bed but have a flip up door on the back with a kitchen? Those are pretty cool and small enough that even I could pull one. (I have towing anxiety, haha)

Best of luck!

Scrappy

miller · RV-Dreams Community Member

Terry and Jo,

Hubby and I just looked at the pictures of your beautiful 5th Wheel. Great pics, and a great job describing each one. I felt like I was walking through and seeing it in person! I really liked the table and 4 chairs (with storage) as opposed to a booth type table. I also love the large picture window behind the recliners. And the mirror that slides over the bedroom window - ingenius! There are so many amenities I didn't even know existed. We probably won't be able to afford many of them, but I like to look at what's out there.

Last night, I told hubby about my post here, and all the replies. We discussed my concerns and possibilities. I'm warming up to the idea after reading all the posts here from experienced RV'ers. (BTW... he said our truck is a 2004 Ford F250 3/4 ton Diesel 6.0 Liter engine). He's thinking we should get something about 27' long.

Thanks again for all the great info!

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Debby,

Your F250 shouldn't have any problems with towing that size of trailer. The oldest Ford brochure I have is only back to 2005, but a quick look at that told me that conventional towing capacity for one of that size would be a trailer weighing under 15,000 lbs, so depending on weight, you might even be able to get longer. However, an issue with longer travel trailers could be with crossing dips in the highways and streets.

When you are looking at RV's be sure and look them over closely as to storage space. In many cases, a fifth wheel will have more space. Don't rule out finding a good used RV as opposed to a new one. One would likely be able to get a better RV for less money than a cheaper, brand new one.

As far as RV's go, if one decides to "remodel" their unit, it is easier in a fifth wheel. You liked the table and four chairs, but we've since replaced that with another style, one with a buffet against the wall and the table top capable of pulling out for more room. Since we plan to live in our RV for years to come, we've elected to replace a number of items that were original equipment.

Your profile doesn't indicate in what state you live, so I have no idea of what your husband is used to with respect to mountain roads. All I can say is that if he has a fear of heights, that may be his biggest issue. I suspect that he has no problem with the driving, but is concerned with the "surroundings" outside the vehicle. What I can say to that is good luck with overcoming the issue of mountain roads.

Terry

WestWardHo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Debby,

Welcome to the best forum ever. You're getting great advice and opinions on here. I too, thought and did the fancy hotel, meals out, massage, nails thing. Did it a lot of years before retiring. While we made the decision to fun-time and you're not thinking in that direction, I still do all that except staying in hotels. That kind of stuff appeals to me more than my DH. We love not packing and unpacking, staying in hotel, wondering about the cleanliness and bed bugs. Since I do most of the cooking I like to eat out more in really good local restaurants but mostly we get better food at home. It may sound silly but we love using our good china and silver almost every day. Since we hand wash dishes it's no problem. You can do lots of things in a camper to add gracefully little touches. A good bed is critical whether you're in a S&B or RV.

The advice about a diesel with jake brakes is good. Your husband may also feel more comfortable if he took a good RV driving course. I would get anxious if my husband got that anxious too. There are therapists that can quickly help people with those types of fears which are very genuine. Perhaps your husband could seek that out. M

I use trip advisor to look up salons where we go.

But staying in a state/county or federal park with gorgeous views and nature all around you is so much more beautiful to me/us than a glamorous, anonymous hotel. Your question brought up to me my feelings of loneliness that I always experienced in hotels that you don't find in campgrounds. There is almost always some wonderful RVer to chat with and hear about their life. Rarely had that in hotels. We've met so many interesting people!

Sherry