Yesterday, I drove my new (to me) Class A to Bed, Bath and Beyond for some organizing stuff; a Rexhall Class A came into the lot, and parked right next to me. The older gentleman driving it started a conversation about RVs. Then something dawns on him, and he asks, "Where's your family? Is it just you?" When I answered yes, he abruptly left. This guy was old enough to be my father, mentioned he was married, used the RV to visit family, and everything was just totally not real personal, soo... ?

I have also gotten reactions at campgrounds, like, it is somehow totally suspicious and inappropriate for a woman to be living and traveling alone. I can't really help it I never had children and I don't have an extended family, it's not my fault, nothing I did, so, what's the deal? Can any married/family type people enlighten me as to what this pariah reaction is?

Maybe when I get out of California, land of "fruits and nuts". Could be, "normal" people quick sifting through "nuts". I have a background in hands on psychology, and looking around, there are LOTS of NUTS.

"Do you you rent, or own?" "Do you have a degree?" "What does your husband do?" If you can't come up with satisfactory answers, perhaps you are just tagged "nut".

I have this plan, where I quick size people up, and if it's not likely that I will ever see them again, I just make up answers like, "I'm on my way to pick up my husband, he's been overseas making business deals, and we're taking an extended vacation.... The kids are away at college, studying in Europe. Me? I have a Ph.D. from Stanford in psychology, but I'm taking a leave of absence. " But I always forget this plan, and be myself, which, apparently, puts me in a "pariah" category.

Hina,

I think you will see a totally different mentality once you leave California.

I was in our car dealer's service waiting room about a year ago and struck up a conversation with a gentleman that was there.  He had returned to Oklahoma from California and told us that he was planning on going back to California and move his family back to Oklahoma.

He told me that one of the common questions he got while in California was, "How much do you make."  It was almost like the questioner was asking so as to know whether to associate with him any further.  One of his daughters was with him and said that social interactions in Oklahoma were a whole lot nicer and less intrusive than those she had experienced in California.

While I might eventually travel to California to see the natural beauty, I have no intentions of staying there for very long.

Back in the late '60's, I was stationed in Northern California near Petaluma.  Jo and I lived off-base and because I "robbed the cradle," she still had some high school to finish.  She walked the 6 or 7 blocks to school every day.  She regularly saw an older gentleman in his front yard and she would say, "Hi."  Finally, after about a month of strange looks from the guy, he finally stopped her and asked if he could ask her a question.  She said, "Yes," so he asked where she was from.  When she told him Oklahoma, his eyes lit up and he said, "I knew it had to be close to there.  I've been in California and have never seen a stranger be so friendly."  After that, he always made it a point to speak to her when she passed.

Terry

I get how people create a foregone conclusion about California. Before we moved here I had an opinion. It was based on the freaks of LA and the Geeks of San Jose. But there is a lot more to California than either of those cities. For example, I live in the land of fruits and nuts, really! I am surrounded by orchards of nuts and stone fruit and vineyards of table grapes and raisins, not to mention the citrus. This area is agriculture. Conservative to a fault and hard working. Not a single flake as far as you can see. Friendly and not a bit stereotypical California.

Don't avoid the state because of some opinion formed by what you think the state is. It's really a pretty nice place as long as you steer clear of the big cities. Not to take away from Texas but Los Angeles is really like a whole other country. Up here by Fresno is kind of like Iowa. Visitors are treated well here. It's the citizens that get the shaft.

Could be, Hina

 . . . is wife may have been in their RV and he knew he would be questioned for speaking to a youing lady, who knows.  As Mike said quite well, be yourself.

 

Popeye the Sailor said it best: I y'am what I y'am and that is all I ever will be!! I try my best to be friendly no matter how I feel. Yhat's the best thing about wheels; if we don't like the neighbors or the scenery we can move on. Jane: Once you find your niche; some peace and quiet, and some like minded people it will make the difference.

-- Edited by PIEERE on Sunday 19th of May 2013 09:18:20 AM

I think you are right Carol, about the "more accepting of the fact that I'm single than the fact that I never had children". Have you ever noticed, if you ask women about themselves, they will often tell you about their kids? I remember a job where we had to suffer through "meetings" where we would go around in a circle, and "tell us a little about yourself, and what's new in your life"? It seemed like I was the only one who ever told anything about myself, because everyone else would launch into the dramas with their kids! So are women like us spinsters, or are we forced into being self aware individualists, since we can't focus our entire identity on other people?

Terry, I'm not such a prime catch myself, 20+ lbs overweight, and 50+ , but I am definitely young in spirit, and do look healthier than most "professional girls" since I don't do drugs, or have a hardened attitude!

That particular man you encountered probably had a history of "skirt-chasing" especially in his younger days and may have been "on notice" for doing it. We lived in a couple different RV parks long term in two different states, AL & AZ and both saw totally different types of people coming through and staying for a time. We had one single woman come and probably the biggest issue was that she was always trying to borrow someone's husband to do something for her and I have no issue with showing someone how to do something or helping someone do something but not doing it for them especially when I was the one that did the very same thing at our unit. She wasn't so popular with the wives there. We saw a lot of single women and men come through the park in AL and they were very capable of taking care of themselves and no one had any issue and we all visited about travel, you know, places we have been. If you told me you didn't have kids, I would think "Boy is she lucky!" You'll meet a lot of different kinds of people and many will judge you but if you're like me, I truly don't care what they think about me or what I do and I assure you, there is nothing better than embracing that. Take me as I am or move along!

I'm not really all that upset with that one guy, but that incident got me thinking... good insights, Westward Ho and Gypsy.

Yes, unless I want to unintentionally stir up trouble, I have to "monitor" my friendly, somewhat mischevious nature, my sense of humor and ever inquiring mind. Unlike the single woman mentioned by Gypsy who was always borrowing a husband, I am quite capable, and that, ironically, can draw attention... I'm still a bit of a tomboy and a mad scientist, and that attracts men, and makes other women jealous, because men can talk to me about stuff their wives often blow off. And since I don't have children, it seems I don't have much in common with many women, because that's all many women can talk about, as if their entire identity is tied up in their kids. (No offense intended, just an observation as a childless female).

Jack, laughing out loud!!!!

Sherry

I am thinking about going Full Time I have never Rv'ed or civilian camped before. but with the limited income from disability it seems the only wise choice. I am single with Adult kids and a brother and sister out in Cal I figure i can winter down their and summer up in Wis way. I spent most of my working life in the entertainment field by that I meen restaurants i have done every conceivable job in that industry. And now it has taken it's toll on me so I am going to enjoy what time the lord has left of me and see what this land has to offer.

Well still working on my plan to one day get a class RV and hit the road, I could really care less of what other think of me or my choices. Yes I am going to be Solo, last febuary my best friend and a great wife Niki lost her fight with malignant ovarain cancer, we had oftenselling everything and hitting the road talked about of selling everything and hitting the road, but her health declined fast. I am going to get back to planing the adventure . If asked wre I got my degree simple at the South Carolina Fire Academy , thats right while other were hamming it up a college , I was learning how to save people , after working in the field , I have retired after 23 years , I think I have earned the journey, my wife Niki is with me in spirit . if they cant handle that tuff , ya cant please everbody , and Pop Eye said it best " I AM WHATS I AM AND THAT`S ALLS THAT I AMS !!!!!"

Hey Walter, welcome! It's just a little different being a woman, and alone; people, especially men, have this odd reaction, which can be a little disconcerting. I'm glad I now have a dog that knows how to bark.

I forgot to add though, I am not to proud to ask for help when I need help and when I cant do something I do watch them fix it so if it happens again...I can try it myself... or call in a knight in shining armour.

Yes, maybe wearing a ring that looks like a wedding ring will help fend off some of it. I've heard of other women also putting a big pair of men's muddy boots outside the door. I have this loosely laid plan, that if I am somewhere where I won't be long, and doesn't look like I'll be meeting anyone worth my while, I'll say, I'm driving this RV alone, with the dog, to go pick up my husband, who's in the military and just came back.

Just yesterday, a new guy who is parked here was teasing my dog through the window, making him bark, then he had the nerve to try and chat me up. Oh, he was just kidding around with the dog.... And of course, aren't we obligated to "be nice" to our neighbors, especially when everyone else thinks they're a great guy, because they all drink beer together? If not, you'll be labeled a "B" word, who thinks she's too good! Yes, and the conversation ended with him inviting me to drink beer with him. He's pretty obviously an alcoholic. Not. Yeah, I am too good.

If you go in with a reason to find separation in anything......you will find it!!!!!.

look for the bad in anything and you can find it a thousand different categories....... look for the good in the same and the best is starring you back in the Eye!!!!!

always look for the good , walk it ,think it and it will encircle you no matter where you go!!!!!




Remember passing judgement at a round table will always return with a double serving for yourself!!!!

Mike and Mark, you two are nice guys. I don't get it either. But some guys, when they think no one is looking, act very differently. A woman walks down the street with her husband or boyfriend, nothing happens. She walks down the street by herself, and she's liable to get guys slowing up behind her, asking if "she needs a ride". Mike, I don't want to pass premature judgement, but I can't afford to be a Pollyanna either. Women who are too friendly or too open, or who ignore the red flags make themselves targets, for at best, creeps who simply take advantage, or possibly the worst. I did work for 20 years in psychology and social services, including jail psychiatric services, and have seen first hand the faces some people hide. As a woman, you need to be double and triple careful, because they're out there, and we gals are the #1 target. Not me projecting negativity, just a fact of life. Those 3 girls who spent 10 years locked up in that house in Ohio got into the car willingly, because they thought he was a nice guy just offering a ride.

its the nice part of being in the RV........I wonder in nature...just me and the earth....no more dealing with the rat race ,.....I live , breathe & relax..


Ive gotten to experience people at their best....saw things happen at there worst.....sat as someone spoke their last words and asked me to carry them on......delivered 9 children into this world.......and dispatched 3 men to their judgement

been given my last rites twice....and spent 6 hours without a heart living and breathing from a machine while they scrambled to keep me alive. only to tell me afterwords that they handed me a fatal virus in the process.


Ive learned that life is short .....I have no time for worrying about possibilities, it does nothing but steal from the moment and each moment has become precious to me.

when I learned this.... life changed , I learned how to count the petals on a flower....find the beauty in a box of sand...Listen to the spirits in the wind......never time a sunrise and sit and enjoy the days end.....................live , breathe and relax .....life is a gift and I let no one Leave a bad footprint in it anymore

We all make the choices who and what we interact with and which roads we venture down.....its a shame that we dont take the time as we hurry just to stop and see the beauty in each step but prefer to rush thru life and collect all that we cant take with us!!

LM: I don't believe I could have said it any better!! I understand about the take a deep breath and relax; as to when I try to step up the pace; my shortness of breath kicks in. Hope that PET scan this Thursday verifies the Ischemia and they can repair some of the damaged heart muscle. I will have to wait patiently for the result on July 12TH from the cardio Dr. unless they find I need attention sooner.

I had friended someone in the park who had been bringing me to the VA; asked him a few times if it conflicted with his (sedentry) lifestyle. He said not a problem but as time went on I was asked to do chores like defrost the rv refridge; help clean up his yard, charge the AC system on his truck, reseal his camper Roof; I did these and various other chores; no qualm even though it was on his time.

The other day I had told him no as it was hot and humid out and he wanted his camper washed, he seemed taken aback but said OK. later that day I went on a walk with him and the dogs; we sat around for an hour or so talking and he asked me to go to the store and go in for him and get a few items. I said it was getting late and it was past dinner time and I was hungry. Said I would be over in about 30 mins after i grab a quick bite. About 15 minutes later he came over and said; "You have to find your own way from now on." End of friendship. I said; You told me it did not bother you to take me before and I even bought gas; so I believe you could not accept being told No.

I have found other means to get rides to the store and the owner of this park is taking me to the VA Hospital where i will sign up for the volunteers who provide rides to the Veterans for Appointments. Well there is my rant. Problem got solved.

Don't enjoy losing friendships but I believe they are a two-way street.

Simple solution to kindness in life......if you can , always pay it forward ... if you cant always pay it back!!!!!

I meet my elders constantly , something would be wrong or help was needed and I always jump in.....when I,m done they are always trying to pay me and I always tell them.

No one can pass thru this life without holding there hand out to help another ,just the feeling of doing it makes it worthwhile.....the meanest ....grumpiest ....indignant person has helped someone out in life.......so believing that all things travel full circle in life I am obligated to give you my best Because someone has also been there for me!!!!


Even as my heart slows its pace in life......the feeling of giving from the heart calms and keeps it beating!!!!

Pieere,

So sorry this happened with your "friend"! I was mad when I read what happened because of your health and what you've been thru but still you cleaned his roof and did so much more. That he expected "payment" is just plain sad. Don't let the B-word get you down. Great for you about drawing that line. No one can take advantage without our permission. Someone smart said that! 😄

Just keep smiling and going forward.

Sherry

It is good to know I won't be the only single woman out there.  I joined this forum only a week ago and I am just thrilled at the quality of people who have chosen this life.  Living their dream while living their lives is awesome!

I don't know what the guy's problem was - but don't make it YOUR problem.  

As for the intrusive questions, my mother raised me to answer "Why do you ask?" to put the shoe on the other foot.  This usually works.  

It isn't my fault I never found my guy, either.  I wasn't blessed with children of my own, but I have 22 nieces and nephews from my six siblings and their husbands and wives.  My family is my heart and soul.  I want to be able to work full time, as well as pick up and travel to visit with them wherever they are.  I want to travel this wonderful country and live my life.  I just survived a nearly two year battle with breast cancer.  I have learned my lesson.  The lesson is:  If you want to do it, do it now!  If you have a dream, make it happen!  And be thankful from everyone who crosses your path...even the nuts and seriously rude.  I am reminded that I am glad I am Me and not THEM!  

I am a year away from making my debut on the road.  I have a lot to learn (and medical debts to pay off) first, and I know that this forum is a great place to launch my efforts!

Dawn

Snakeye,

Congratulations on channeling your energy into going out into the world instead of burrowing into a little cave!

Since December of 2011, I have lived on a borrowed bed in my mom's living room in her Senior Apartment Complex while I underwent treatments for breast cancer.  I am not a senior citizen, so I stick out like a sore thumb.  I love the ladies and gentlemen here, but I have noticed the residents have a natural Great Divide among them:  About 1/3 of them have gumption and get up and go (love the poker games, ladies!) but the other 2/3s are living on their Social Security and Disability and what little pensions some of them have, and they close themselves up in their apartments and the only time you see them is when they come out to do their laundry, and they sit around and complain to each other about being bored and nobody visiting them.  

I gave up my downtown Dallas apartment after my diagnosis (to stay with my mom during treatments) and got rid of a lot of "stuff" I didn't need.  I have narrowed down all my earthly possessions to things that can fit in 2 closets and a few tubs of stuff in my mom's small storage unit.  I am ready to get this show on the road!  It sounds like you are, too!

Dawn

Be one of the Proud, the Brave....the Few.....and the Mighty!!!  Wear that SOLO shirt with pride, sista!!

Hope to see you on the road!

Carol (a soloist!! )