Psychology Behind Rejecting Solos? - RV-Dreams Community Forum

DTFuqua · RV-Dreams Community Member

RE: Psychology Behind Rejecting Solos?

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

DTFuqua wrote:
You gotta give some of old married men a break. I have spent years avoiding anything more than a polite reply to women because I just don't want my wife to get any idea that I could find anyone besides her attractive.

I don't have that problem. Long ago, my wife came to the understanding that if I weren't looking at other women on occasion, then I might not have an interest in her. In fact, she has been known to "occasionally" point one out to me.

Yesterday, I had the occasion to need to visit my new doctor. After years of having a male doctor, Jo and I are now going to a young lady doctor. While in with her yesterday, I did like I usually did and tried to keep eye contact with her. After a few minutes, I noticed that she pulled her white coat together and held it closed. At one point, she even had it closed and her arms crossed in front of her.

Now, for an old salesman, those were signals that she seemed either uncomfortable or distrustful because that action usually means one is "closing off" the other party, in this case, myself. I mentioned this to Jo yesterday evening and she said that some women may find it uncomfortable because they think the heavy eye contact is a method of trying to "hit on" them.

I will have to watch the next time I am with her to see if it happens again, and if it does, talk with her to ease her concerns. In her case, even though we've only been to her a few times, I know two important things about her. She obviously wanted to be able to help people, or she would never have undergone all it takes to become a doctor. The other thing is that I know she is a loving mother, because she has pictures of herself and her young child in the examining rooms. The look on her face in those photos tell me a lot about her and her love for her child.

While this doesn't directly relate to "rejecting solos," it does indicate that we can occasionally "disturb" someone with a simple action.

Terry

ggflyfish · RV-Dreams Community Member

I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread. I'm an older single female, single longer than I was ever married, with 3 sons. I understand how guys get "scared" of single females. As teens, some girls are pretty aggressive, and the boys lag behind in that area, so they are conditioned early on. Oh, the stories I could tell raising my boys. But also, there's the guys that think single females are fair game and "easy pickins", too. We do have to navigate, and my tactic is to leave the uncomfortable situations quickly. Life is too short. I am researching which rig to buy, and I've gone the gamut from wanting a toy hauler and a smart car, to worrying about axle strength and cargo capacities, wheel pressure, the whole works. Then I get a mindset to get something smallish and easy. But, heck, I want to travel in style and comfort and enjoy being a fulltimer. So, while caring for my Mom in her last years (Alzheimers), all of your comments, experience, humor, is getting me prepped and ready. I can work out all the mechanical logistics as I educate myself, but my BIG QUESTION is what do you do with your dogs when you have to go food shopping, etc., while on the road. Some places are just too hot to keep them in a car. Solo travelers don't have backup people readily available. I've lost a treasured dog to theft before, so I worry about stuff like this. I notice many of you list your "best animal friend" as your traveling companion. Your comments would be very appreciated.

Lucky Mike · RV-Dreams Family Member

SSsshhhhh............Dont let Nikki find out she is a dog.........she thinks she is a Diva or comes from royalty or something......LOL

Hina · RV-Dreams Family Member

I just posted some You Tube tips for single female RVers; I had someone in to look at helping me remove the carpet, so took some pre-emptive precautions: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91ToX7C4Ueo&feature=c4-overview&list=UUk6Er7yulS7OdYGtEonn65Q

And my dog: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiTr7HtsCYo

Wanderswithk9 · RV-Dreams Community Member

I just joined the forum and I am single (but travel with my fur companion) Even in the sticks and bricks life I have friends that constantly want to "hook me up" I always just assumed it is because they would be uncomfortable single and assume I am as well. I have found that sometimes couples tend to exclude me from events and once I confronted a friend when I felt left out and her response was that those partnered were "uncomfortable" having a single along because they actually believed the single person to be a threat to their relationship. Uhhhh wow!! It had me examining my actions and behavior all the time, thinking maybe I was doing something to "make them uncomfortable" and then I realized the problem was not me, it was them. I made new friends!
I am not yet a full timer but hope to be in late April 2014.

To those who have fur travel companions, it is very important that your dog have good manners, and while be assertive is okay, being aggressive is not!
I have had years of dog training experience if anyone needs help or advice. I have rescued dogs and many of them have been problem fur kids. I worked with them to retrain them with positive training experiences. I might be able to help if you need it.

Hina · RV-Dreams Family Member

I get "admired" all the time because it's "so courageous" for a single woman to RV alone... as if living alone in a house or an apartment doesn't make you a sitting target? As if the local neighborhood creep/pervert hasn't been watching for months or years, taking note of when you come and go, when you go to bed, who comes to visit and when, hasn't been tossing treats to your dog....

I wonder sometimes, if the "threat" is "individualism" VS "group think"? Being an individual VS being part of a family? (If you ask a lot of women about themselves, they will tell you about their kids...) I have also noticed, at a lot of RV parks, some people actually seem to prefer being in the spaces that are all crowded together. There will be an area with RVs packed in, then another area where RVs are dispersed. (often occupied by singles, or the younger couples, with no kids)

My dog Toto has made huge strides towards being a socialized dog.... the RV lifestyle seems to be good for him! I think part of the problem was, living in the "big city", he was exposed to more people who seemed to be threatening (drug addicts, gang members, drunks, and mentally ill) so he was ready to fight back. Now that we are around the RV crowd, he is more relaxed. He's learned to love going on walks, running and playing with other dogs at the dog park, and even meeting other people (sometimes). I just have to warn people not to focus on him, or try reaching towards him to pet him. He might snap at you. Let him come to you.

Malias Miles · RV-Dreams Community Member

I just read this thread with interest because in the whole time I've been fulltiming solo, I've never felt the kind of response Hina originally talked about. Maybe I'm just dense and didn't realize it when people were that way. :)

I've had a lot of incredulous looks and exclamations of, "You drive that big rig by yourself??!!" but I always just smile and say my mantra for the first few months was, "remember wide turning radius, Malia!" but I learned and despite fears, it has definitely all been worth it. I've even had people stand around and clap after I back my motorhome into a spot! Makes me a bit nervous to have an audience, but I still take my time and don't just rely on others who might try to help.

Anyway, all of your experiences have been very interesting to me, and while there may be a few who are more stand-offish, the vast majority of RVers are super friendly and to me, that's one of the best things about traveling solo. I get my private alone time that I need, but it's never hard to find someone to visit with around a campfire!

Malia

PatStab · RV-Dreams Community Member

I get the same reaction, it doesn't bother me. I've had guys ask if my husband was around and can't believe its just my DD and myself.

I have a DDthat is mildly challenged so that adds to the ignore factor. But most RV people do not welcome us some do speak and once

in awhile we meet some friendly ones. But its all over and I've traveled for several years off and on now. My husband isn't retired yet

and works overseas so I don't have to lie about that one and our son lives in S Korea! But I don't thinkDH will enjoy RVing anyway.

He likes to fix things on the motorhome for me and doesn't care if I go so it works for us.

But I do wish folks could be a bit more accepting, maybe they are afraid we will ask for help, hey that's what I have Coach Net for. Don't

worry I'm not asking for help but if you need something don't hesitate to ask, I will be glad to help much as I can.

We have enjoyed ourselves and plan to do more of it, I just let it roll off. Women by themselves is still a bit of an oddity, especially

in RV's traveling alone. Oh and I'm 68 soon to be 69 and DD is 43. I'm fairly well preserved, have relatives that lived to be over 100

and close to it.

Papermaker · RV-Dreams Community Member

Hi Jane,

I would like to say that I admire and congratulate you on what you are doing. I have no problem with anyone doing what you are doing, man or woman. I recently became a widower, past December, my wife passed away after 28 years together, from cancer. So now I am preparing to go rving the first time solo, not sure how it will go. I hope I don't encounter any thing negative, never did as a couple.

Like I said, I admire what you are doing, probably could learn a few pointers from you. Like your videos too.

Take care and be safe in your travels.

Greg

lonelyroad · RV-Dreams Family Member

Hina wrote:
Yesterday, I drove my new (to me) Class A to Bed, Bath and Beyond for some organizing stuff; a Rexhall Class A came into the lot, and parked right next to me. The older gentleman driving it started a conversation about RVs. Then something dawns on him, and he asks, "Where's your family? Is it just you?" When I answered yes, he abruptly left. This guy was old enough to be my father, mentioned he was married, used the RV to visit family, and everything was just totally not real personal, soo... ?
I have also gotten reactions at campgrounds, like, it is somehow totally suspicious and inappropriate for a woman to be living and traveling alone. I can't really help it I never had children and I don't have an extended family, it's not my fault, nothing I did, so, what's the deal? Can any married/family type people enlighten me as to what this pariah reaction is?

Oh goodness, that's really annoying.

Folks like that are just plain judgmental.

I currently live in the South, and people tend to be connected to large families. I constantly get asked if I have any children!

I'm in the same situation, and also plan to go it alone. It's kinda tough. I have friends, but, well, they're all partnered up or married!

I seem to be treated like a pariah regardless, bc I'm single, live alone, and have to deal with chronic illness.

I'm still going to try going solo!

Margaret

Lucky Larry · RV-Dreams Community Member

Hi Hina

Thought you were talking about me then I remembered I don't have a motorhome.

Every now and then I'm talking to someone and have one of my senior moments and forget wth we were talking about.

I usually just head straight for my vehicle before I forget where I parked it too.

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Again, this is an old thread that has had recent posts added to it. When reading a post, look at the date to the left under the avatar and username to see how old it is. Old threads that are revived can confuse new readers by thinking that the old information is relevant and up to date. For instance, Hina isn't a regular contributor to the forums any more. I think she gets an e-mail every time someone "replies" to one of her posts and then will check in, but I don't know if one would get an answer.

Terry

Rob_Fla · RV-Dreams Family Member

I have been experiencing Life on the Road by myself for the last couple of months, it is a really big change for me but I am learning little by little how to deal with it.
I have not had any adverse encounters on the road or at campgrounds, I do enjoy meeting people at the campgrounds I stay at during my travels.
It is the late evenings and early mornings that are the toughest, so used to having somebody else with me to share the good times with.

-- Edited by Rob_Fla on Saturday 21st of May 2016 09:16:36 PM