Leaving your kids behind - RV-Dreams Community Forum

Just Wishing · RV-Dreams Community Member

Leaving your kids behind

Racerguy · RV-Dreams Family Member

Try this thread to start with....http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=91511&p=3&topicID=10364112

rjenkins · RV-Dreams Family Member

I guess the biggest question is, where is the 18 year old going to live. Granted he is legally an adult but career wise and self support wise, highly unlikely. If the plans was that he was going to go away for college thats a different story since he is basically out of the house. It also sounds like you havent discussed it with him yet.
As for the others that are older, I know I would never have hindered my parents to pursue a dream or give them a guilt trip for doing so and they would have done the same for me. If anything, the kids should see it as a way to go visit their parents anywhere in the country and as far as your kids go, a place to go back home to from time to time.

janieD · RV-Dreams Family Member

I can relate to your dilemma. We takeoff on our travels in just about a month. I have one who is a senior in college and one who is working in town. The older one has had a difficult time figuring out what he wants to do in life and he is actually our biggest worry. I don't think there is any easy answer for you, it depends on how self sufficient you kids are. My youngest though still in school will do fine but time will tell with the oldest. I know the hardest thing about leaving will be saying good bye to them. Just knowing they were a short drive away was great even if we didn't see them that often. I remind myself now that they are a flight away if something should happen. This world has gotten smaller and there is always a way home.

Racerguy · RV-Dreams Family Member

Don't tell them "Goodby" just "See you later".At the risk of sounding cold hearted, you have sacrificed all these years to raise them now it's time to do something for yourself.Life is short-enjoy.With all of todays technology you can stay in touch as much as you want pretty easy anyway.This lifestyle is not for everybody, but how do you know if you don't try it? smile

phyllen · RV-Dreams Family Member

We had no problem leaving our children. It's not seeing the grandchildren that tugs at our hearts.

Just Wishing · RV-Dreams Community Member

Good point Racerguy! Its funny because at their ages now, the last thing they want to do is spend time with us anyway..we are "old and boring" as most teenagers say! My parents are gone 6 months out of the year and now that you say that, I text and email them more now than I ever did. My husband would agree with you 100% on doing what makes us happy too!

I did read the "Mommies and grandmothers" thread which helped a lot too. We only have one grand childright now but the idea of taking them with us for awhile in the summer sounds like fun too and by then he'll be a great age to take along. I hadn't considered that.

We still have a ways to go but I think part of it is that I'm still picturing my 13 yr old's young "brace face" at 18 (who would almost be 19) when he will actually be just a bit older than that by the time we would take off smile

. Plus part of our budget would have to include health insurance for him and something saved up for those times when he (or any of them for that matter) might need a little help. I can get around all that sort of thing, the emotional part will be tough.

We've talked to the kids about it a little bit but I think right now they think we are just crazy and don't realize how serious we are...but they'll figure that part out later.

It's nice to see that so many of you have made this decision and are having the time of your lives from what it sounds like. And I know that we feel this would be perfect for us, but if it doesn't work out...I guess it doesn't but I would feel much better knowing that we tried it instead of sitting around wondering and feeling stuck in suburbia forever.

Thanks for all the great tips and for sharing your thoughts..this really seems like a great group!

K & E · RV-Dreams Family Member

We have 2 sons ages 29 and 26. Our youngest has lived 400 miles away for the last 3 years. We see him about 3 or 4 times a year. Our oldest lived about 20 minutes away from our house. We had a long discussion with them about our plans. One of my biggest fears was that they thought we were being selfish or irresponsible since we retired at ages 52 and 54 to fullfill the dream. They assured us that they were happy for us and they understand that we have worked hard for this and have "earned" it (their words). They understand they have to work hard, too, to achieve their dreams.

We have made a promise to always be together for Christmas. This will be our first Christmas as fulltimers. At first we were going to fly back to Wisconsin. After considering the costs, we have decided to fly them to us in San Diego. They are on board with taking some of their vacation time to visit us at Christmas. Since neither is married, we can fly them to us. Once they have families, we probably can't afford to fly them all to us. They we'll visit them.

We plan to visit them each summer. We have already found that even though we see them less times, the time together is quality time and we really enjoy it.

We don't have grandchildren yet. I know I'll have a hard time with being far away when that happens. We'll just make a point of visiting more often.

Good luck to you! Hope all your dreams come true aww

RodandGeorgia · RV-Dreams Community Member

Thanks for the posting. We are wannnnabees also and understand the personal feelings connected with leaving the kids. Our plan is to be FT 12-18 months. We are a blended family, 7 kids (25-40yrs old), 14 7/8 grandkids (4-30yrs old) (15 gks in Aug as will have a newborn). They are not close to where we now live, but all within 5 hours driving time from us. This last weekend, we were at a family gathering where we shared our plans with the kids. The reactions were from awesome biggrin

to (sharp intake of breath confuse

) (pause

) suppose you get rid of everything and you don't like it! Are you sure you want to do this? How about health services!! etc. (all good concerns for us to think about and thanks to this forum was able to answer some of the questions!) As we looked back at the "are you sure" reactions, we realized that they were completely reasonable and glad we brought up our plans early in our process. We realized that their minds came up with "are you really wanting to go camping in a "tent" foreeeeeever doh

?" (they like tenting by the way--sleeping on the ground--rain is ok---blow up beds etc)

By talking with the kids, we realized that it's all a process. A--piece--at--a--time process for us and for them. We are keeping in mind that they love and care about us. We need not to be offended. We need to be patient with them and with us. Our plans are to see them more often than we do now living in a house and through the net can share with them our adventures (um, maybe not all of them).

Following our dream, while we still can, is something that we can give them and the grandkids. How valuable is that...

Too many friends and family have passed without living their dreams. Now is our time and be able to share that experience with our kids at the same time. biggrin

Take care all. Rod and Georgia

RV2B
1986 Taurus

eagleshea · RV-Dreams Family Member

RodandGeorgia wrote:

Too many friends and family have passed without living their dreams. Now is our time and be able to share that experience with our kids at the same time.

Wow, how true this is ...... We must all strive to live our dreams. It is always sad to see people that have dreams not fulfill them. Here is to yours and our dreams . MAY THEY ALL COME TRUE !!!!!!!

John and Terri

Just Wishing · RV-Dreams Community Member

I couldn't agree with those last two posts more..well said!

After all, if we don't teach our children not only to go after their dreams, but not to fall into living the way society mandates as opposed to what they feel passionate about...who will?

Thanks again for all the great words of wisdom on this subject. It has been a comfort and has helped me continue to begin the planning process a little more quilt free.

Delaine and Lindy · RV-Dreams Family Member

It does the kids good to be on their own. When we started this Adventure of a Life time we set down with the 3 kids and told them our plans. All 3 said you two have raised us, and you gave up a lot to get us to this point in Life. So its you time now. We also told them their inheritance, cash want be there. However the propertys will be there for you. We have 300 acres of land that they will have. If kids get upset they will get over it. The Grandkids are different. So thats why we have web cams and try to limit our trips to 5 months. Hookup and hit the road. Life is to short. GBY...

janieD · RV-Dreams Family Member

I think you are all correct about following your dreams etc. We certainly won't change our plans or for go our full timing because of our kids but the emotional part of leaving is real and tugs at many of us even though we know we will be seeing them again and that they will be fine on their own. Leaving is a process and a letting go of sorts. I know for me that once we are on the road I will be fine but the day we leave there will be plenty of tears. It won't stop me from going as this is what I truly want to do but it will be an emotional day.

rwarner22 · RV-Dreams Family Member

We sold our home and hit the road in May 2009 after our daughter finished with her Master's degree. We had spent over two years researching this and they were supportive of the idea so we kept the dream and went through with it. We are very glad we did.

They both are approaching 30, (Adam 29, Kelly almost 28) and we had been 'empty nesters' for a long time. Both went away to college and then in the recent couple of years were living near us.

Last year we helped Kelly move to Dallas before we got underway full-timing. Adam moved from DC to Michigan to be near his future wife. In the past year we have been to those places to see them.
So it has worked out good for us.

And we have been able to 'be there for them' as they deal with some tough circumstances in their own lives.

How do your kids feel about you doing this? If they are supportive, especially your youngest, I'd say go for it!

Dreamers · RV-Dreams Family Member

As soon as the S&B sells we will be fulltiming but we won't be leaving the kids. They have already left us. We have three who live in 3 different directions in the country. We are in Alabama where they were raised but our oldest lives in Tampa, FL (retired military), our second lives in Staunton, VA and our youngest lived in Jackson, MS when we made this decision.

The oldest one thinks we are crazy and need to be committed. He doesn't seem to have time to come home but ever couple of years so if we see him and the 3 grandchildren we go there anyway.

The middle child was a little leary because of her Dad's health but otherwise gave her blessings once she realized we had done the research. She like the older doesn't get home much so we do most of the traveling to see her and that grandchild. He is the reason we go.

The youngest, not married, thought it was a great idea and said he was jealous. Living in Jackson, MS, he was only 3 hours away so anytime we had surgery or anything he was the one who came to be there and he usually came home about every 3 to 4 months anyway.
Well since we have made our decision he has taken a new job and moved further away. He told us, that he had been afraid to do that before because he felt like at least one of them should be fairly close to us so if we needed something there would be someone to help. So actually our decision to FT gave him his freedom.

They're all gone now and exercising their freedoms so we're going after ours too!

Judy (& Bob)

dream reachers · RV-Dreams Family Member

We have 3 grown single daughters , one previously married with a teenage grandson. They were a little anxious when we told them that we were planning on going fulltime rving. They always relied on us when they had a problem or needed house repairs. We explained that we would still be available on the internet and cell phone and we set aside a month or two each year to come back to be with them, usually around Christmas and Thanksgiving. We have been on the road for over 2 years and it has worked out well. They have grown more self-sufficient but they do have a Daddy-do list for me when I get to their homes. We have helped them out as need arose but we have been very pleased that for the most part they are making it well on their own. One big plus is that we share with them on our blog and we are going to beautiful and wonderful places and doing more interesting things than we were doing at home. They get a feeling that they are part of our adventures and they share what we are doing with their friends. We are going back earlier this year for a wedding of our youngest daughter. We have helped her with the planning stages for the past year and it seems to be coming together nicely. All this was done without us phisically being near them. We will be there for a month before the wedding to help hands on. We will also dog-sit for her while she is on the honeymoon. Bottom line is that we made it work rather than stay home because of all the "what-ifs". We have NO REGRETS.

Sherry · RV-Dreams Family Member

Just want to suggest that you be a tad bit sensitive to what you say to your children and grandchildren.

My parents and I lived states apart and visited a few times a year. Not sure that's much different for a lot of people or from being a full timer with S&B family.

I will admit to feeling sad that my mother seemed always to be more interested in seeing my daughter than in seeing me.

But then I have a friend who says just the opposite. Her mother lived across the country and when she came to visit or they went there, her mother hardly spent any time or attention on her grandchildren, all she wanted to do was talk with my friend.

Just food for thought.