How to tell the family we are leaving???? - RV-Dreams Community Forum

monkey islanders · RV-Dreams Family Member

How to tell the family we are leaving????

Judy · RV-Dreams Family Member

I would say just do it. These are after all your golden years in which you should be able to do what you want. Tell them you will be parking in theyre driveway at times or it will let you visit them more often with an RV. When we made the decision to full time it was never a question of asking our kids "may we do this".
southwestjudy

Jim01 · RV-Dreams Family Member

First of all, welcome to the forum.

I agree with Judy that you should not ask their permission but rather sit down with them and explain what you are going to do. Explain that you are fed up with your lifestyle and that you have researched the full-timing lifestyle and have decided that is what you want to do with your life, while you still can.

Remind them that in case of an emergency, you can get on a plane and be back within a short time. Assure them that you will be back to visit often, and can keep in touch by phone or e-mail.

Above all, don't let them talk you out of it. Stand your ground and don't back down. It's your life, and they will just have to deal with it.

We have 5 children and one of them still can't accept the fact that we sold the house and gave all our stuff away, but that's her problem and not ours.

Oh, another thing we did was to tell the kids that they could have anything they wanted, except of course the things we were taking with us. They now have all the family keepsakes and heirlooms, so they will stay in the family.

Stay strong. smile

Jim

monkey islanders · RV-Dreams Family Member

Thank you everyone who responded! I got to looking the forum over and decided I might have put the question in the wrong area... sorry! You all are right. It is OUR life and we deserve to live it the way we want. I will miss the kids, but not as much as they think I will!! I just realized I didn't really introduce ourselves as I should have. Without being too wordy...my husband is a retired house painter ,now on disability and I was a nurse for 17 years, recently retired. We will soon have to downsize or I will have to go back to work so going on the road sounded like a great solution. We really want to do this while we still can. Right now we are doing some serious research and planning. I am so glad to have found this web site! The house goes on the market in late spring and we would like to hit the road by fall. Guess we will have to tell the kids our plan soon.... at least before we sell the house!!! Right now we are in the middle of an ice storm so we will be house bound for a couple of days.... I will be cleaning out more closets! (and reading the forum)
Thanks again! I will post a pic of us when I figure it out! biggrin

TXRVr · RV-Dreams Family Member

I’d respectfully suggest that you have not ‘lost your minds’ but rather have gained it.

Jim and Judy have some good advice. Albeit, I’m don’t respectfully quite agree with Judy’s term “golden years.” Tin, bronze, silver, gold, platinum terms for age have nothing to do with one’s ability to set and accomplish goals.

I’m no Dr. Phil, but it sounds like you are a positive, solid example that your kids would emulate and perhaps aspire to. Because that is so, they would now be questioning something that might be a strange departure from your normal behavior.

I’d suggest that none of our kids ever had any normal behavior when they were growing up. Just because they aged a bit, doesn’t make them smarter than the parents. At the age of 62 I give advice to my 85 year old mother. She blows me off most of the time. And if she didn’t, I’d be disappointed. It's her life, not mine.

You also might want to mention that being “full timers” is a transition period in your life. Not everyone continues with the nomadic life of a full timer. You may and you may not. The bottom line is that it’s your dream.

TheBobGuy · RV-Dreams Family Member

Hi Christy and Paul.....we can relate to your dilemna....we have two grown children and lived on the river for many years....they came home often with tons of friends in tow....and we had lots of fun and memories there. But as we got older, it became less "fun" to have a B&B every weekend! Our daughter is still a little leery of us being gone, but we spent three weeks with her (CG near her home in Maryland) right after we sold our home and she seemed to realize that, while we might not be near them all the time, that we would be able to spend long periods of time close by and have quality time together.
Having said that, if we ever have any grandkids, I think she will be wanting us close by again...we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!

As to how we talked to them, we began to let them know that we were somewhat weary of maintaining the house on the river and wanted to travel before we got too old. They did not want us to get rid of the house on the river, but we just told them we did not want to be taking care of the house in our older years. We did keep a lot there and have a pier and two RV lots on it, so they can still "go to the rivah".
As we were able to retire early, we had mostly prepared them for the fact that we wanted to go out and travel in the MH for several years, before we settled down and built a house again. We have not as yet, defined, "when or where" the settling down will be.

Begin talking to them now, about what your real desires are, and any difficulties you have with keeping up the home. That will prepare them for when you tell them that you are going on the road. Then reassure them that you will be having long visits....then make plans and do that!
It will be different, but a good different. We have more fun and good times with them, and have the time to help them with lots of projects at their homes, which they LOVE. They know we can fly home quickly in the event of an emergency, and they are both handling it all very well.
I stressed over telling the kids a great deal, but it wasn't as bad as I feared. So ease in to it, then go for it! We've been on the road about a year now...only wish we could have done it earlier!
Hugs to you, and hope to see you on the road one day!
Molly & Bob

Dachiegirl · RV-Dreams Family Member

I agree, you just have to do it. You've raised the kids and now is your chance at some real freedom! Just explain what you love about your decision and I am sure they will understand. Although we had doubters in the family, they now see how happy we are and are behind us 100%. Good luck to you!

monkey islanders · RV-Dreams Family Member

Thank you Molly and Bob! Your situation seems similar to ours. I have been dropping some hints, they know we are going to buy an RV but just not that we are going to LIVE in it! I have told them we may need to downsize soon (ie sell the house). To tell you the truth I was going to tell them we are only going to be on the road for "a year". We are actually planning on much longer but by then they will be used to the idea. Don't get me wrong, our kids want us to be happy. But I feel a little like I am kicking out the 18 yr old (sink or swim at college) and we also have a one year old granddaughter that is close by.
We just both feel very strongly that our time is now. We are relatively healthy and have enough income to get buy if we are careful. My best friend has stage 4 cancer and recently made a list of things she didn't get to do.....makes you really take stock and think about what you are doing with your life. I will keep everyone posted on how it is going. We will have to say something in the next month or two.
We really appreciate the support!!!!
ps we bought a port a bote the other day...kids were kinda looking at us funny...we have a full sized boat here on the lake!!!

dream reachers · RV-Dreams Family Member

I agree with the others. My wife and I had no problem with selling the house and all the stuff. We have a three single daughters all in their thirties and one grandson 17. The girls are all out on their own but looked to us as a safety cushion. They were not very enthusiastic about our decision to travel as fulltime rvers. We let them know that we were following through with our plans but we would keep in touch with them by phone and internet. We would also plan to spend some time with them every year. This was our first year out and everything has worked out. When we came back we had a wonderful time with them. They had done as I suggested and had long "Daddy-Do" lists for me to do repair and improvments on their houses. One of them flew out to visit us in the Black Hills last summer and two of them plan to visit us this coming spring and summer in Maine and Vermont. It has been good for them to be less dependent.

WhiteCloud · RV-Dreams Family Member

DW and I have been telling our grown kids and DW's parents that we will FT for the past three years. The kids don't have a problem withus fulltiming since they lived for rhe past few years 150 miles away.
They know that we are serious since we have been giving them furniture, art work and selling of contends of the house.
We are one month away from starting. When we pull out we will be going two miles down the road and staying for 45 days in a very nice resort until I leave for Alaska for a Camp Hosting job.
When DW put in for her retirement she was asked to stay on until end of June. We informed her parents this past Monday (Mom was worried - what if something happens, medical coverage ect) also told them that wife will stay with them from 4/15 unlil she retires and flies to meet me. This made them very happy.

So I will be heading North with two dogs, three year old Chocolate Lab and our new addition four month old brown Miniture Poodle. The two of them are buddies.

Stan & Isabel

-- Edited by WhiteCloud at 11:19, 2009-01-27

Speedhitch · RV-Dreams Family Member

I have a Three year old little buddy who will be Devastated when we leave. The kids...well they could care less...the older G-kids...they know we will be back...the younger ones don't understand....but my little buddy will be the hardest to leave. He hangs real close to his Maw Maw and Poppa. We will be gone two to three months at a time most likely and I will have a breakdown each time until he is old enough to know that we are coming back. Now this is sad seeing as how Sherri and I have waited 37 years to do this. I know that I should be happy but this is one person that will be hard to part with.

We will be able to see our other two G-sons in Kansas but there again we will have to leave them also...So I can understand your feelings about telling the family...just don't feel like you are the only one with this problem.

Joe and Sherri

Loralie · RV-Dreams Family Member

Hi!
We leave on Monday morning to start our full-timing. Our daughter who recently moved back here and got married will come over Sunday to say good bye...I'm sure there will be lots of tears. In fact I keep finding myself crying at the drop of a hat. Now that's not to say I don't want to go...I do! We've been planning this for 6 years and now the time is finally here! We found a book that had a lot of helpful ideas for living and family relationships...
RVers....How Do They Live Like That (answers for those who wonder) by Judy Farrow and Lou Stoetzer
You might find this helpful. Of course all the forums are great too. The Escapees forum has lots of good advice as well.
good luck,
Loralie

monkey islanders · RV-Dreams Family Member

Thank you so much for all the advice and personal stories. My husband was amazed at the response and at how nice everyone is! We will be leaving our 1yr old granddaughter and that will break my heart.....not to mentions I feel we are pushing our "baby" out the door to start college! Who will do her laundry???? My husband says "Don't let the doornob hit you where the good lord split you!" He has no problem leaving everyone behind. I do feel I have put in my time...(since I was 17) being a great mom. Now it is time for me and my husband. I keep thinking if it was one of them they would leave us and not look back! Besides I will be able to see my other three grandkids in California more often. We might even take on one at a time as a passenger in the summer! For now we are sticking to our story of "it is just for a year" to ease their pain. wink

Right now I am looking for a nice campground just outside of Stillwater Oklahoma, close to Oklahoma State University !!!! biggrin

Time to go clean out another closet!

WhiteCloud · RV-Dreams Family Member

Speedhitch wrote:

I have a Three year old little buddy who will be Devastated when we leave. The kids...well they could care less...the older G-kids...they know we will be back...the younger ones don't understand....but my little buddy will be the hardest to leave. He hangs real close to his Maw Maw and Poppa. We will be gone two to three months at a time most likely and I will have a breakdown each time until he is old enough to know that we are coming back. Now this is sad seeing as how Sherri and I have waited 37 years to do this. I know that I should be happy but this is one person that will be hard to part with.

We will be able to see our other two G-sons in Kansas but there again we will have to leave them also...So I can understand your feelings about telling the family...just don't feel like you are the only one with this problem.

Joe and Sherri
We have a 4 year old Granddaughter that loves camping with us and made her a promise that her Mom wil send her to spend some time with us when we are in the western states.
Stan

phyllen · RV-Dreams Family Member

We were set to retire tomorrow and take off in two weeks. As time got closer Len began pulling away from me. Bottom line - we have gone through a living h--l the last two months as he really was not ready to retire at 60 and made other stupid choices instead to talking to me about it.

He moved into a campground and I stayed in the house. We have worked out some of our "issues" and I am now with him at the campground. We are both in counseling.

My younger DD and finacee are lease purchasing the house from us.

Some of my family are angry that we are together as the separation was a nasty one. We still want to full time but not until 2011. My older daughter has made it clear I am not to contact her for now. With talking to her yesterday she screamed that we were going to leave and go on the road for months at a time anyway so what is the difference. I felt the anger from her for the first time about our decision to fulltime. (Len is her stepdad)

I guess what I am saying, that this was a major life change that did not go well for us. But we have not given up hope that things will improve as we move on down the road of life.

I envy each of you who were able to live your dreams.

Racerguy · RV-Dreams Family Member

Just my opinion but I would not let selfish people ruin my Dreams. Life is to short.Family is important but shame on them if they can't accept your decision.

monkey islanders · RV-Dreams Family Member

Thanks Racerguy! You are so right! I will be in St Louis for a few days, my best friend is dying (cancer at 49). It really makes you think about your life!! I will check the forum when I can.
Thanks everybody!
Christy

foxriverguy · RV-Dreams Family Member

I can't add a lot to what has been said here, but I urge you to spend some time on the Escapees Forum. Use the search feature to find the responses you are looking for. There are hundreds of them.

Bottom line: it is your life. Just as you were willing to let your children go out on their own, they should be mature enough to let you make this choice for yourselves.

If you try to please everbody, you will please no one, including yourselves.

monkey islanders · RV-Dreams Family Member

Well we did it. Sort of....I told my oldest daughter last weekend that we are going to have to downsize and will be selling the house. I told her that we were going to buy a smaller place closer to her but that we wanted to travel "some" (okay, I made it sound like a few months, not the few years we are planning on!) before we buy again. She took it pretty well. One down and two more kids and two sets of parents to go. I feel we are starting to make progress toward our dream! Thanks to everyone who has given us great advice and support. We now have a plan and a timeline. Hope to see you on the road this fall!!

NoRV, No Truck (yet)

mailman01 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Monkey Island, if your daughter is an internet zombie and has ever possibly scanned over RV Dreams Forum, your work may already be done for you. This site would definitely open her eyes to the excitement and happiness that is enjoyed by those that choose this lifestyle...Best of luck, Marty Hill

pierreandcolleen · RV-Dreams Family Member

Congrats on deciding to make the move. We started fulltiming last summer and have loved it (although we will have to go back to work this fall :( ). My husband has a daughter in college (a junior this year)....she doesn't agree with us desiding to take part in the "RV Lifestyle" yet at the same time she is proud of us for following our dreams.

If your youngest daughter is going to be living on campus, you might want to arrange for places she can stay when she has breaks and vacations since most schools won't let students stay on campus when classes aren't in session. Help her with the transition if needed....although she is probablly excited for her new independence, it may be difficult when so much in her life is changing at once. Girls at that age can be difficult, but I think it is more hormonal than anything (I was a brat when I was 17-21, yet I still loved my parents very much - although I didn't always show it or say it). My guess is that once you have moved out that the distance will strengthen the bond between you and your kids.

Good luck with your transition and happy travels!

-Colleen

monkey islanders · RV-Dreams Family Member

Colleen,
Thank you so much for the advice! Our youngest daughter who is starting college this fall has a wonderful older sister who lives close by that she can stay with on her school breaks. We are also going to stick close by for the first 6 months or so just to make everyone feel better about everything. We are very excited and cannot wait to get on the road!
Christy

TheBobGuy · RV-Dreams Family Member

How's it going Christy......just wondering if you're navigating this part of our traveling lifestyle OK???
Hope to see you on the road soon!
Molly & Bob

monkey islanders · RV-Dreams Family Member

Good to hear from you Molly! (and Bob). Things are moving along here pretty well. We are still planning on putting the house on the market on the 15 of April. I am still cleaning out closets and getting rid of stuff. The big suprise is how willing my DH is to get rid of his sutff. Except he is still taking two guitars with him.
It sounds like you guys are having a great time. Most of my time has been taken with getting our youngest ready for college. She is our biggest supporter about our RV lifestyle and says I have been taking care of them all this time and now I should do what I want to do.....how about that? I lost a good friend to cancer this week and that can also be a great motivator to live your life to the fullest
We still plan to leave this fall....one more summer on the lake to get through. We hope to see you out there!

Don't suppose you know any guitar players? Mainly blues and some rock.
TX
Christy