Don't want to be a Lurker no mo - RV-Dreams Community Forum

flattire · RV-Dreams Community Member

Don't want to be a Lurker no mo

mailman01 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Flattire, welcome to the clan of "dreamers" and "doers." A lot of us suffer from the same ailments as yourself....that is, wanting to go full-time, but just don't quite get the confirmation from The Little Missus that we need. I read the Forums from the NEFCC and your name seems very familiar, and I see you are for Jacksonville. Are you the one and the same "Flattire" that posts on that site? I do not post very often, but follow this site religiously, a great bunch of folks here. Welcome aboard. Hope to see you some day on one of the North East Florida Camping Club outtings...
Marty

thebearII · RV-Dreams Family Member

Flattire,

Welcome to the club.

I don't know what it is, but since I turned 50 several years ago, all I've wanted to do is hit the road and see the sights throughout North America. I don't care about travelling anywhere else. So like you just about every minute of everyday, I'm thinking about RV'ing.

It might be genetic, my grandfather just up and stopped working when he turned 50. He was a cement mason and just stopped going to the union hall to get jobs. They ended up living rent free in one of my uncle's apartments.

My wife is willing as long as we have a home to come back to. Her biggest fear is if I die where would she end up. We don't have kids, so there's no help there. She doesn't want to be stuck somewhere having to live in an RV. Due to this fear, we will need to keep a homebase at least until she, like others have realized, once you're out on the road, you'll never want to go back to a sticks & bricks way of life.

Still have to pay for the house, I still need to work.

So for now we take as many long weekend trips (leave on wed. return on Mon.) as possible and one month long stay each year for the next many years until I can retire or we win the lotto.....

This is a great forum, unfortunately it just makes my need to hit the road that much stronger when I read about all the great adventures everyone is having.
cry

phyllen · RV-Dreams Family Member

I guess I am the odd one. It was me who approached the hubby about fulltiming. Now the time is almost here. Only 54 more days.

I, too, think about what would happen if Len died while we were RVing. But that could happen in a house too. Why borrow problems?

So - keep on taking those weekends and stretch out the trips. It just might turn her around.

bjoyce · RV-Dreams Family Member

There are many couples where it is the guy who is reluctant to go full-time and the woman is all ready to go. We have met many of them. Some people tie themselves to having a house, be it a place for the family to come for the holiday, a place to have all the nice furniture or tools, a safe and stable haven, whatever holds them down. I also know many couples where their kids, parents, or brothers and sisters didn't want them to go and laid on guilt trips to keep them in a house. You have to dig down into why someone does not want to go full-time, what they say might only be hinting at their real reasons.
One friend realized his wife worked too much on the road since she did all the cooking and cleaning, it was not relaxing for her. They eat out more and he helps with the cleaning and that helped the situation a lot. Another friend figured out his wife didn't like boondocking as much as he does and now they stay where there are hookups and swimming pools. Others have spent money on good internet access and more cell phone minutes to keep in touch, which helped.
Put your thinking cap on and ask questions. Do not expect to get the real reasons she is reluctant, you will probably have to figure them out yourself.
All I can say is the old adage, "If Momma ain't happy, nobody is happy."

flattire · RV-Dreams Community Member

Thanks everyone, I have been lurking around this forum for some time now, just reading and dreaming of the day that I to can hit the road like you guys, and I'll tell you right now it's going to happen just as soon as I can talk my wife into selling the house and all this stuff that we don't need. I can look around the house right now and I can't see nothing that I can't live without..... I do understand her being scared of the un-known but if I can get her to think back 30 years ago when we got married and having our kids at a very young age, that for sure was the un-known but we made it through it with without a hitch and I know we can do this too. I'm going to work on her until she gets sick of hearing about it and tells me get in the camper and lets go biggrin that has always worked before..... Mailman 01 I am that Flattire from NEFCC I see you too are a member, My wife goes by the name Sparetire we have a great bunch of people we go camping with and always have a blast. I see you are from Kentucky , I was raised in Radcliff Ky. (Small World sometimes)

Speedhitch · RV-Dreams Family Member

Flattire...ask you wife what she is going to do if something happens to you and you own a house and have to have all the yard taken care of and the taxes paid and the roof repaired and the HVAC worked on...Nothing is different in a 5th wheel. My wife will get by much better without all the extra hassels of owning a home when I am gone. And too if the kids move she can have someone move her right with them...The older she gets the easier it is to take care of 400 sq ft vs 2500.... Think about it.

Speedy

flattire · RV-Dreams Community Member

Speedy I have ask that question more than you will ever know and your right who is going to take care of house and yard and all that other stuff but I still get that deer in the headlight look I'll think I'm going to tell her if she don't go with me I will go Solo..... Well maybe I better hold up on that, she does have a pretty mean right hook..........

Judy · RV-Dreams Family Member

Just my 2 cents worth here. We started full-timing 2 yrs ago and I must say there are times when I just plain HATE it and other times when it is ok. Hubby seems to like it more than I but we have sat down and discussed it and have decided to keep the RV and find a spot in our beloved adopted state of N.M. for a park model or a "nest" of somekind and still be able to travel. The one good thing is that we can still visit family with RV. this way. No need to think of "what if" something happens to one spouse and deal with that if it should happen. You both have to like it or it will never work!
southwestjudy

Jim01 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Flattire, Welcome to the forum.

Judy is absolutely right. Both of you must want to do it, or it will not work. Linda and I both wanted to full-time, we love it, and we have never looked back.

Full-timing is not for everyone, Maybe part-timing for awhile to see how it works for the both of you.

Good Luck,

Jim

Jack Mayer · RV-Dreams Family Member

We are in our 9th year fulltime. We both love it, but like the others recommended, if one of you is not sure you really need to do some extended timing first if you are not sure. That extended timing might be a good opportunity to find a good "new home" area to either base out of for more extended time, or you might start with that and rent it out if you decide to go fulltime.

Really, fulltimers have less to deal with than sticks and bricks if one partner is no longer there (for whatever reason). That is likely only a symptom of the real issue, and you need to find out what the real issue is, or even extended timing is not likely to work for you. JMO.

flattire · RV-Dreams Community Member

Judy you have gone from HATE it sometimes to it's ok at times . I understand that both have to like or love it all the time or it will not work... How do you make it work when you say I hate it sometimes, that part I don't get. I sure don't want my wife faking this fulltiming thing just to make me happy. That would make me turn around and go Home. IF I had one to go to..

-- Edited by flattire at 09:57, 2008-12-10

Judy · RV-Dreams Family Member

I will email in private message for the hate part of full-timing.
southwestjudy

thebearII · RV-Dreams Family Member

One thing to look at are the SKP (Escapees) parks and their CARE network. It seems like a good way to establish an end of road kind of scenario.

I'm not sure about other fraternal organizations, but the Moose Lodges have a facility in Florida called Mossehaven. It is a refuge for members when a spouse passes away.
Here's the website http://www.moosehaven.org/History.asp

Roz · RV-Dreams Family Member

Moosehaven is located on Highway 17 in Orange Park, FL immediately SW of Jacksonville. It is right on the St. Johns River and is quite nice.

phyllen · RV-Dreams Family Member

A few days ago I wrote that we have 54 days to go. I now join the ranks of one spouse not wanting to go. I noticed Len has been depressed last few weeks. He sprung it on me last night - he does not want to fulltime. I have no clue what is going on.

flattire · RV-Dreams Community Member

WOW ..... Come on now I'm not ready for Mossehaven or any other retirement home

I'm only 54 still a baby and my Wife is 49 a bigger baby The retirement thing is not for us YET We want to get out and see the GOOD OLE USA..... " Well I do anyways" I don't get it why are you telling me about this place? I'm a fulltimer wantabeeee and will be one very soon but I will say thank you very much for the information just not ready yet

flattire · RV-Dreams Community Member

OH NO.... Phyllen This is one of my fears ........

-- Edited by flattire at 08:47, 2008-12-11

Luvglass · RV-Dreams Family Member

Wow, bummer! You guys have to sit down and REALLY have an honest conversation before you go much further.

What ever the problems are now, they will be magnified by 10,000 % when you are living in 350 square feet and are together 24/7/365, with no family / friends support network.

If both partners agree on the lifestyle, there's nothing like it, but it's not for everybody. Please try to keep us informed as your search continues, so many others that are considering the switch can learn from your experience.

Best of luck to you,
Fred

pierreandcolleen · RV-Dreams Family Member

Joe,
Welcome to the RV Dreams forum. My hubby and I are not retirement age yet, but we wanted to see the good ole US of A while we are still able to do so. The RV thing was my hubby's idea and since I grew up camping I was all for it.

We began fulltiming about 5 months ago and most of the time I love it. There is so much to do, so many things to see, and so many interesting people to meet.

There have been a couple occasions when I was ready to settle down (I've never owned my own home before and have never lived in 1 place for more than a few years since H.S.), but those occasions occurred when it was raining for several days straight or when I was trapped near Mt. Rogers, VA for 3 weeks with no cell phone, no internet, and no TV.

I also had some anxiety about leaving my career....I'm 35 and just getting started (on my 2nd or 3rd career now:). So most of my anxiety has been around what am I going to do to make a living now. The one thing that this RV trip has done that I'm most grateful for is the time and freedom to think about what I really want to do for the next 35 years. It is helping me discover what I want to do rather than what I went to school for and what I'm good at.

I know I'm kind of babbling, but I guess I was hoping to maybe relate to some of your wife's fears.

The last thing I'm going to say is that it felt so liberating to see all of the crap my hubby and I accumulated during our lifetimes and see it go (via yardsales, friends, thrift stores). Most of it we hardly ever used and didn't even know we still had it.

Good luck!
Colleen

flattire · RV-Dreams Community Member

Thanks Colleen, I think her biggest fear is that I'm going to die on the road and she don't know how to drive the truck and pull the camper.. (Just kidding put that smile back on your face) No I'm sure not done with her yet, you can count on that biggrin

You guys will see me out on the road one fine day with a big SMILE on my face with my Wife right beside me...... Than I can say I'm a Fulltimer Baby..... HOLD ON IT"S going to be One crazy Ride....

phyllen · RV-Dreams Family Member

We had been planning this since Sept 2006. We are in process of selling the house to my daughter. I have applied for and start SS in January. We have sold most stuff from the house. We spent almost $5,000 on a cargo trailer to store his tools and some stuff we planned on keeping for when we settle again.

I have given notice to my job and have been replaced in January. At 65 I will never find another job in Human Resources paying what I make nor do I even WANT to continue to work.

He is now saying he wants to work 2 more years as he is only just turning 60. Looks like he is afraid we will not make it on my SS and his small pension. However, we have plans to workamp and have investments to draw down on. In fact, we met with financial planner last night to finalize details. It was after we left the meeting he broke the news.

This is unbelievable. Until a few weeks ago, he was so excited and we were on the same page. I am having a hard comprehending this whole thing. He even says he does not know how he feels about me anymore.

Judy · RV-Dreams Family Member

Gosh Phyllis I sure do hope for you both that things get straightened around for the best. Bob and I have both decided on a casita but will keep the RV and still Rv while we can. All I know is we want to both settle back in N.M. Maybe he is just afraid to take the plunge in full-timing and something could be worked out for the both of you.
southwestjudy

-- Edited by Judy at 14:58, 2008-12-11

flattire · RV-Dreams Community Member

Phyllis I just don't know what to say, but I do hope all works out for you ......... Joe

phyllen · RV-Dreams Family Member

We are on again!

I handle our money. I've told him how much money "on paper" we are down in investments. I think actually meeting with our financial planner brought it into focus. Gads - he got panicky for a while. He figured working two more years would make things easier. NOT FOR ME! I want out of here NOW. Yesterday he was more relaxed and wants to go on with our plans. It will all work out. We will be fine. We are far from broke!

Thanks for well wishes.

Jim01 · RV-Dreams Family Member

Phyllis,

I don't think it's that uncommon to have a "panic attack" sometime during the process of getting ready to full-time. It's a huge move, and all of a sudden, you start thinking, "What am I doing, am I crazy to be doing this?"

Yep, been there, done that.

Have patience and keep on talking to one another about your doubts and fears. You can do this.

Jim

no hurry · RV-Dreams Family Member

Jim01 wrote:

Phyllis,

I don't think it's that uncommon to have a "panic attack" sometime during the process of getting ready to full-time. It's a huge move, and all of a sudden, you start thinking, "What am I doing, am I crazy to be doing this?"

Yep, been there, done that.

Have patience and keep on talking to one another about your doubts and fears. You can do this.

Jim

I think that's true, Jim, I think I had a little wave of that, myself. Linda was the strongest one at the time. She kept me on the right path to happiness. ( she always has, but don't tell her I said that) Dave

thebearII · RV-Dreams Family Member

I'm coming up on the possibilty of finding another job in the next 12 to 15 months. The group I contract for is consolidating operations up to seattle area. Not sure if my job will stay down here and I don't want to to move.

If I end up losing the job, I am preparing my wife to do a trial fulltiming for 3 to 6 months to see if she might end up like others and come to the realization that it is a better way of life and let's get rid of the house.

Maybe a trial run will do the trick....